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September 23, 2002

proclivities | and life's oddities, mostly mine

proclivities | and life's oddities, mostly mine

As I slept in late this morning I marveled about folks who call themselves "morning people." I couldn't understand why anyone would want to wake up before anything has actually happened. Better to find out about it later and realize you've lived through it.

Tonight as I ate large chucks from a small black forest ham I bought with pocket change at Trader Joes I marveled at folks who survive while refusing to eat meat. For that matter as I drank a glass of moonshine from my bathroom still, I wondered about folks who don't drink.

As I enjoyed my evening cigarette I wondered about folks who don't smoke. And as I put my last two dollars into the online casino site and turned it into $25 I thought about those who don't gamble. Virtually, the only vice missing from my day was sex -- of which I don't partake. But that's not by choice.

Why aren't there people who refuse to eat vegetables? "No please, no asparagus for me...I only eat animal products"

Where are the folks who decline juice after giving blood, "Juice? I don't drink it, I'm a staunch supporter of fruit's rights. I only drink Vodka. Good for the heart" while pounding their chest to indicate fine health.

Why doesn't some lucky fellow tell their financial advisor, "I always win when I gamble. That 401K hasn't served me as well. I'd like to close it out and equally distribute the balance of my retirement between the craps table, the blackjack table and super lotto. You know...better odds."

Where are the hetero men who say, "Oh no hot sexy mamma, no sex for you...I just want to cuddle."

I know vegans who won't eat a fish but will keep one in a tiny bowl on their mantle until they reach a premature death in a soupy bacterial disaster.

"Doc, I don't care to breathe the air as is, I'd rather inhale it through the filter in my pipe, but thanks for the tip."

Where's the equality?? Where's the flip side?
And this concludes your bizarro Moxie moment. You can go about your business, now.

Posted by Moxie at September 23, 2002 9:51 PM |Stumble It! | | del.icio.us