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December 23, 2004
Holiday Reruns: VRWC - a day in the life
We've been pretty busy around here. And of course when I say "we" I mean me. I received this email yesterday and would like to answer it publicly:
Moxie,What is a typical day like for a VRWC lunatic like yourself?
Cheers,
B.L.
I'm so glad he asked:
12 noon:
Wake up, promptly kick Owen Wilson out of my house. While reading Drudge, think about new ways to screw the poor.
12:15 PM:
Have my gay houseboy serve me lunch by the pool. Pull out my pocket bible and begin talking about god and salvation. Tell him that gay people make baby jesus cry.
12:55 PM:
Pour myself a white russian, do a line of coke off Karl Rove's ass and then prank call Al Franken.
1:00 PM:
Count the wads of cash I have in my basement vault and think of new but inexpensive ways to flaunt my wealth.
2:12 PM:
Call the Bin Laden family in Saudi Arabia. Make jokes about how we knew about 9-11. Hell, we helped plan it!
3:00 PM:
Step outside and tell Mickey Kaus to stop stalking me and tell him I know he's really a Republican.
3:15 PM:
Think about all the places the VRWC would like to wage war next. Drool uncontrollably at the thought of war(s).
4:00 PM:
Get online. Buy twenty thousand dollars worth of electronics and think about calling President Bush to thank him for the tax cuts. And ask for more.
4:10 PM:
Write a snarky note to Al Gore instead, thanking him for inventing the internet.
5:30 PM:
Laugh at John Kerry and wonder if he likes waffles for breakfast. Plan how we are going to "steal" the next election as well.
6:00 PM:
My Mexican maid arrives and though she's 8 months pregnant has decided that she was raped by her brother and would like time off for a late term abortion.
6:05 PM:
I laugh manically and tell her soon she won't be able to take care of such matters at all. She will be forced to have babies even if she's going to die, or was raped. Because WE say so.
6:15 - 7:17 PM:
My driver gets me to an undisclosed location in the new Hummer. There the local chapter of the VRWC exchange info about Iraqi oil. And chuckle at how we didn't mean to encourage Democracy in the Middle East, or ensure the absence of WMD. Oil, baby, oil!
7:30 PM:
Back at the Moxtopia compound I clean, polish and french kiss my gun collection.
8:00 PM:
Take an evening stroll and spit on the homeless man who's sitting outside the gates to my compound. Only because I'm out of rocks to throw. Lecture him about working hard and saving money. Call him lazy and a waste of a precious human life.
9:15 PM:
Write a check to the Bush campaign. And tell him about my special interests.
9:30 PM:
Rush Limbaugh's maid brings over some drugs and I tell her how I'm so much better than everyone else.
10:00 PM:
Review geological surveys that indicate there might be oil underneath the forest at the back of my property.
10:15 PM:
Call tree-guy's cell phone, tell him to come chop them all down tomorrow. Become giddy at the thought of displacing bambi and destroying the environment.
It's not easy being a member of the VRWC, but I can handle it.
Posted by Moxie at December 23, 2004 12:24 PM
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Comments
It wouldn't be so funny if it weren't true.
Posted by: trendsurfer ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://moxie.nu/nav-commenters.gif)
at December 23, 2004 2:33 PM
Love it! You just made my evening. I'll now have my man-servant pour me a glass of "whine".
Posted by: Airdale at December 23, 2004 4:36 PM
KICK-ASS!!! Merry Christmas and Happy Winter Solstice/Kwanzaa/Festivus (for the restofus), liberals!!!
Posted by: perfectd at December 23, 2004 6:19 PM
Moxie, You are the coolest.
Were snowed in here, so I have spent the day reading your back log of blogs.
I wish I knew a lady as cool as you. Hope you have a very merry Christmas and enjoy Health, Wealth, and Happiness in the New Year.
Oh yeah, you ever tried tazing the hippies. The seem to dislike it, I think it screws up thier buzz or something. LOL. Steve
Posted by: Steve Wright at December 23, 2004 6:23 PM
Mox,
Can I join your gun collection?
Posted by: lyle at December 24, 2004 3:06 AM
It is now my life mission to blend your genes with Steve's.
Posted by: Aaron's Rantblog at December 24, 2004 8:46 AM
"While reading Drudge, think about new ways to screw the poor."
I think we're on the wrong ideological side, Moxie. The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy isn't screwing ENOUGH poor people. The VLWC is surpassing the VRWC in this endeavor. Just look at the VLWC's activities in Germany(10.7% unemployed) and France(9.9% unemployed). Hell, even the glorious Canadians(7.3% unemployed) are beating us to the punch. Unlike the VRWC, the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy can use the "compassion" card to mask the malignance(or is it just stupidity?) of their policies. Why haven't we jumped on the socialist bandwagon yet?
I guess we can close the poverty gap with the VLWC world if we raise taxes on retirees' Social Security income. Nevermind, Clinton already did that.........
Here's some more subtle differences between the doctrines of the VRWC and VLWC......
VRWC says: In order to save the economy, we must destroy the environment.
VLWC says: In order to save the environment, we must destroy the economy.
Since I've already brought up the subject, environmentalism is a commie sham.......
http://www.shns.com/shns/g_index2.cfm?action=detail&pk=GLASSMAN-12-13-04
Posted by: reagan80 at December 24, 2004 10:11 AM
Mox,
Please post pictures of self french-kissing guns.
Make it pay-per-view for a little extra capitalist goodness.
Posted by: Kim du Toit at December 24, 2004 10:29 AM
I may be mistaken here, but shouldn't you clean and polish your guns after you French kiss them?
Posted by: wheels at January 3, 2005 5:44 PM
