« January 2003 | Main | March 2003 »
February 28, 2003
?
It's sunny and warm outside. There are a few white fluffy clouds in the sky and the trees in the courtyard have created beautiful patches and patterns of sunlight on the terrace.
It's one of those days that feels ripe with possibility. Makes me want to take the roof off the go cart and drive out to the beach -- the long way down sunset through Pacific Palisades and out to the ocean.
Will I? Not likely, but sometimes having thoughts like those are better than actually going through with it. No traffic in my imagination and in reality it's probably a bit too cool down by the water.
About a week and a half ago, I was talking with someone from a dating site. We had made plans to have coffee yesterday evening. Had forgotten all about it, until he called to confirm.
I have never been the sort to date more than one person at a time. It has long been my position that it's better to concentrate on one at a time, that it's easier to get to know someone without the added complications of jealousy, competition and unfair comparisons.
But my conscience got the best of me -- I really wanted to meet this guy. We had spent a lot of time talking and emailing pre-TDH. So I met him for a quick cup of coffee and wonders never cease, I like him too.
TDH was concerned but understanding about my reluctance to go away for the weekend. He's disappointed that there is now another player in the running. Hell, it feels like a low budget episode of The Bachelorette.
As long as things aren't intimate with either, I think I'm going to go against my tradition and date them both. Makes my head spin, but hey, nothing ventured nothing gained.
{photo by Michael Capozzola}
Many thanks to Jason, who's having a great day and generously spread the wealth!
Posted by Moxie at 12:31 PM | Comments (31)
February 27, 2003
san francisco
Long ago, in a land not so far away my friend Mike Capozzola and I were partially employed.
This left us with lots of free time to take long drives and wander around the Marin Headlands. Armed only with our cameras we'd explore old WWII bunkers, and take lots of photographs.
Mike sent this one to me today and it makes me feel a bit wistful. Those were really good times.
We'd come home at dusk, order Thai food (yes, this is an addiction) and in our socks we'd slide down the slick hardwood floor in my long hallway.
In my opinion, people these days don't slide on hardwood floors in their socks nearly enough.
Sometimes we'd play Uno. But Mike -- he always tried to cheat.
Posted by Moxie at 2:32 PM | Comments (25)
reality mixed
Does anyone still watch Survivor?
Apparently so, since Survivor: the Amazon is airing its third episode tomorrow. Maybe it's because I don't work in a traditional office and miss having the infamous water cooler gossip at my disposal but I didn't think anyone cared after the hairy naked fat guy won the loot the first season.
Seems it's boys against girls this time. Nice twist, CBS. No recaps from me though.
I'm wondering how long it will take for them to make it really interesting. For instance, taking the rejects from American Idol, dropping them on an island and putting them through a weekly talent competition for food and immunity. The one voted out would leave with nothing, and the ultimate survivor would then be able to appear on The Surreal Life with Emmanuel Lewis.
It's the perfect solution to keep these familiar faces in front of the public.
After Trista and Ryan don't work out they can both enter the fray of "Married by America" and risk being re-paired by America. Aaron Buerge, the unemployed banker can become a Bachelor for the next season of The Bachelorette. And Evan Marriott can be on an episode of "Reality Teevee Stars Fear Factor."
Now, introducing our next guest is no easy feat...she's the winner of three reality teevee shows; Survivor: The Bachelorettes stranded, Who Wants to be a Thousandaire and The Weakest Mole.
Even better might be a Survivor season where the rejects from The Bachelor form one tribe while the other tribe would be rejects from Joe Millionaire. The goal? To try to figure out who's in it for the food and immunity and who just wants the cash.
Every fall I keep hoping to see the lack of "new" reality teevee. Not only am I disappointed each fall but networks pull out even more reality trash for sweeps.
Where are America's best writers? And why aren't the networks hiring them to create some real content?
Posted by Moxie at 12:13 AM | Comments (23)
February 25, 2003
sign
Mr. TDH came by my place after work tonight.
Before I go any further, for those who scorned me last time -- I'm not writing anything here that he hasn't approved, nor have I withheld from him any of the things I'm telling you. He says it's like dating a celebrity, only when we go out in public only one or two people recognize me. But that's a story for another time.
So I cooked up some Thai food for us this evening and then he shocked the hell out of me.
Twice.
First, he raved about my cooking. Second, he wants to take me away this upcoming weekend. Catalina or Palm Springs, my choice.
I've already spent about 50 hours with this sweet guy, and we just started dating on Friday. He's a little worried about my reluctance on spending so much time together while I'm a little worried about spending too much time together, too quickly. He's slowly winning me over to the "more is better" position with his understanding. But it's kind of scary.
Having only had a few boyfriends, just one that was long term, and having only been in love once -- I'm at a loss. How much time is too much time? When do you depart from the weekly dates into more frequent visits? It's always been a bit longer than this and it has me a bit skittish.
Posted by Moxie at 11:50 PM | Comments (58)
February 24, 2003
waxing poetic
I can't be trusted with a razor and shaving cream. But apparently my aesthetician can't be trusted with hot wax and fabric strips, either.
Not sure if it was her first day post beauty school or what but while I regularly go and have them dip most of my body in hot wax and yank off unwanted hair without incident -- it's never hurt at all. Well maybe a little but not like this.
As I've said before, I'm a big fan of hair removal. My doctrine is this: the only appropriate place for hair on a woman is on her head. I wax my legs, the peach fuzz on my arms, my underarms and am a big fan of extreme bikini waxing if you know what I mean.
So back to this afternoon. I tell her to go "all out" and remove whatever she wants/can/imagines is there. She's spreading the hot wax, applies the fabric strip and yanks. Intense pain, ladies. And the she says something I've never heard before,
"Hmmm, doesn't seem like any of the hair wanted to come off"
"What do you mean by that?"
"It doesn't seem to want to come off"
"You just caused me massive pain and you are telling me you were unsuccessful in the hair removal aspect?"
"Let me try again"
"NO! It's wax on/wax off. You ever heard of that?"
"Ma'am, I'll just try this again and maybe I'll win this time"
"Look, it's hair, it doesn't have a mind of it's own."
"Sorry"
"Do I still have skin? Skin is pretty important to me."
"Yeah, no bloodshed."
"Right. Can you double check for the presence of skin? I feel like I just lost internal organs, and I do this all the time."
"I can't tell, there's too much wax still on your body, um, over what should still be skin."
So I got up and left muttering something about incompetency. Drove directly over to my regular salon, with my clothes sticking to the wax still stuck on my body in all kinds of interesting places and begged them to squeeze me in for an appointment.
After explaining what I had been through they did. Now I've got some extra laundry to do thanks to the wax on/wax on lady but at least the second woman had no problems making me smooth as a baby's bottom. Female Los Angeles -- any recommendations for a back-up authority on waxing fine hair? I'm through with experimenting but not desperate enough to resort to shaving. Snoopy band-aids just aren't sexy.
{I've exceeded my bandwidth by a gig so no photos on my posts until next month. Sorry, just can't afford it. But on the bright side, it's only a few days until the ides of march}
Posted by Moxie at 10:45 PM | Comments (43)
February 23, 2003
a hot not-so-blind date
Sometimes pictures ARE accurate. Mr. tall dark and handsome (Mr. TDH) arrived at casa mox on time Friday night. Once I saw him, I remembered meeting him briefly at a friend's party a few months back. The friend who set us up swore to me that I had, but I couldn't place the meeting based on the picture. Don't get me wrong, the picture he had emailed was accurate, but it didn't do his sparkling blue eyes justice.
He did all the right things, he opened the car door for me, hell he opened every door for me. He was sweet, funny, a gentleman and very intelligent.
After a great dinner we decided to pop into a local bar for a drink before heading back to his place to watch a DVD. While Mr. TDH was in the restroom two guys walked in and started giving me the "Night at the Roxbury" treatment. They asked me for my phone number, I told them my phone had been shut off. So one pulled out his business card and the other followed shortly. I looked around urgently for help once general rudeness did nothing to allay their unwanted advances.
Upon Mr. TDH's return he did something that thrilled me to no end. He came up and said, "excuse me gentlemen, but I just have to introduce myself to this woman" and he planted a sweet kiss squarely on my lips. The guys disappeared. There really is something magnetic about a woman when she's not looking.
And yes guys, he called me shortly after he dropped me off at home Saturday, and I was thrilled. Having been through other seemingly perfect nights in the past only to have it all crumble, I'm nothing more than cautiously optimistic. But that's better than I felt last week.
Posted by Moxie at 5:56 PM | Comments (30)
February 21, 2003
la press club | the sunset room
Thanks to the generosity of Sara, who picked me up, I actually left the house last night to meet up with some of Los Angeles' best writers.
I must have checked my special brand of luck at the door. Unlike the last event at the downtown Standard I was not propositioned by a drunk man wearing nothing but a towel, nor did I run into any crushes of yore.
I did get to chat with the ever charming Luke Ford who tried earnestly to get me to abandon my shiksa ways and convert to Judaism. I respectfully declined, but did squeeze in a few quotes from the Talmud for effect.
He introduced me to David Poland, whom I had heard much about from that that crazy canuck Weis. Luke's gal-pal Tiffany Stone is as intelligent and sweet as she is beautiful. Speaking of intelligence and beauty, I got to catch up with Emmanuelle who just completed a story on Phil Spector all while moving and getting settled in her new digs.
Mickey Kaus from Slate was there, thank god since I owe him (and quite a few other people) a long overdue email.
Matt Welch introduced me to Jim Crotty also spoken of in whispers in obscure social circles as "the Monk." RiShawn Biddle, of Forbes fame was kind enough to take this not terribly flattering picture of us.
Faced with the prospect of returning to my empty apartment, I stayed late and drank long. Martin was kind enough to drop me off safely at my front door. Now all I have to do is recover for my promising semi-blind date tonight. Semi-blind because a picture doesn't always speak a thousand words.
visit: me saw you
Posted by Moxie at 9:13 AM | Comments (10)
February 19, 2003
Bachelorette | season finale
It was a banner week for romance on reality teevee this week. First the kind, gentle brunette Zora won out over the bondage dirty blonde Sarah on Joe Millionaire. Likewise, tonight, the sweet romantic Ryan won out over the slightly greasy good time Charlie.
If only things worked out this way in reality, there would be no need for match.com.
That’s not to say either couple will make it in the long haul, but it’s comforting to see the good souls win out in the end. For what that’s worth.
One of the things I loved most about The Bachelorette was that a woman had the power for once. I know lots of guys say women always have the power in a relationship, but that’s never been the case for me. It’s completely foreign. I love that Trista had two guys to choose from instead of being the one who gets dumped for another and wonders, “holy shit, what’s next? It just keeps getting worse.”
I really enjoyed that the men were vying for her attention instead of the reality -- a woman bending over backwards because she cares about a man who might care about her and four other women and is leading all of them along.
Much credit goes to Ryan, who had to spend time with her (overnight in St. Louis) knowing full well she was with Charlie doing god knows what the night before. It would have driven me insane. Who knows, maybe ABC had a candy dish full of valium available for them at the hotel. But at least there wasn’t deception; he knew what she was doing. Well kinda.
Overall Trista really handled the double standard issue well. While I loathed her use of the “baby voice” around the men, I was really impressed by her strength and intelligence in the final selection. It seemed obvious that she’d choose Charlie, until ABC ran a commercial for the morning show where “Charlie and Trista face off for the first time since the show.” A big faux pas on the part of ABC, as they hadn’t even shown Ryan visiting Trista’s parents, yet. After Bachelor Bob was eliminated, I think Ryan was the ONLY good choice left.
Lord knows that’s whom I would have chosen.
Trista and Ryan's wedding post is located here
go give some good lovin' to Jarrett House North
Posted by Moxie at 10:44 PM | Comments (27)
analyze that
Posted by Moxie at 12:10 AM | Comments (23)
February 17, 2003
joe millionaire | the decision
Well Zora won and all of us viewers lost when it came to the so called "remarkable surprise."
Those who wanted to see him pick a money grubbing bitch also lost, as Evan proved he's not stupid after all by picking the only remaining girl who didn't seem to care about the false riches. It couldn't have worked out better, which makes me wonder how much his decision was scripted.
They have no chemistry, he outlined her flaws before telling her she won -- oh hell it's a match made in Fox heaven.
The best quote of the night came from Melissa M, the "mercenary" who fortunately for us arrived without her heavy artillery to help Sarah, the bondage queen pack. Melissa M. said, and I paraphrase because I'm too poor to own a tivo, "someone would have to have a certain amount of class and sophistication to be a millionaire," as she blew smoke through the side of her mouth like a truck driver on a long haul. Maybe soon she'll have an epiphany that the "sun setted" on her 15 minutes of fame and take some time off from the bartending to sign up for a remedial English class.
Oh but I digress. Wait, maybe not. When it came time for the "incredible twist?"
Yes, it was just what many suspected, that Joe and his choice received a million bucks. There couldn't have been a more predictable "twist"
Next week: "The Aftermath," doesn't sound positive and loving does it?
Posted by Moxie at 10:09 PM | Comments (27)
chinatown
Everybody has been emailing me asking, "why didn't I see you at the blogger thingy in chinatown? The only reason I went was so I could meet the Mox."
I told them that they were full of shit and also that after the Nigella Lawson and Jackpot naked slippery shrimp incident, I couldn't set foot in Chinatown without a disguise.
It was obviously a very good disguise because not a single person recognized me which is just fine by me. I never liked that inverse cowslut after she insulted me for no reason, but Doc sure was hot and on fire! I didn't want everyone asking me,
"Moxie? You bear a striking resemblance to Michael Jackson, have long black hair, a huge rack and a hairy mole on your lip! Who knew?"
or
"Moxie how did your daily number of visitors spike from non-existent up to almost 20,000 uniques a day?"
Look, it's simple: Joe Millionaire. Evan Marriott. Rumors. Zora. Spoiler. Sarah Kozer. Butler. Bondage. Fetish. Tickling. Smoking Gun. Twins. Bachlorette. Trista Rehn. Charlie. Ryan. Bachelor Bob. Aaron Buerge and Helene. Still Together?
I think not.
So what I'm saying is you too can have over 10 gigs of bandwidth sucked up by teenyboppers who think Fox or ABC didn't seal up the spoiler fountain. And by the way, you too can have a hairy mole if you find a good costume shop.
xoxo,
~mox - woman of mystery
Posted by Moxie at 12:00 AM | Comments (18)
February 16, 2003
vanity thy name is Phoebe
Posted by Moxie at 4:47 PM | Comments (11)
February 15, 2003
you call this peace??
Had I known so many morons would be out in full force today I would have brought my camera to capture the moment. The best peace sign I saw was, [sic] "How would you like to be blow up?"
Sadly, there were no visible representatives from "titties for peace" present at the peace-riots in Los Angeles today.
Hopefully none of these idiots ran out to buy plastic sheeting and duct tape. That would make each and every one of them a hypocrite. Because obviously Al Qaeda would NEVER go to Iraq for WMD. We're totally safe and we should let that nice little Saddam have his anthrax and his small pox, too.
I wanted to tell these folks they were creating anything but peace and that a bunch of hirsute hipster wanna-be's lining the streets with misspelled signage is hardly going to influence anyone let alone our President.
Rumsfeld:
Yeah well thousands of punk ass kids filled the streets of Los Angeles and said we shouldn't go to war.
Dubya:
Oh okay then. Let's bring all the troops back and invite Saddam to the White House for tea.
What a waste of their time and mine.
How did they waste my time you ask? These supposed peace lovers created litter, traffic jams and havoc in the streets -- a magnitude of which I have never seen before. Likewise, I have never seen so many angry drivers and I was one of them. Every last street in Hollywood was at a crawl. It took me an hour to go just a few miles to my friend's pad.
Creating road rage is certainly NOT peace. And clearly there are plenty of non-intelligent life forms in Los Angeles. Since Iraq is okay by them, and they see fit to promote his dictatorship -- I suggest they all receive instant citizenship and one-way airline tickets to Baghdad. We don't need them here.
Posted by Moxie at 5:08 PM | Comments (82)
no one posts over the weekend
No one posts new stuff over the weekend
Moxie:
I don't have anything to say
Phoebe:
That doesn't stop you during the week
Moxie:
What are you saying?
Phoebe:
That you frequently have nothing to say
Moxie:
Thanks, Phoebe. You know you are always welcome to write a guest post
Phoebe:
I've been way too busy.
Moxie:
Oh really?
Phoebe:
Yeah, I'm dating Luke Wilson, writing a rock ballad and formulating a feline viagra.
Moxie:
You are writing a song?
Phoebe:
Yeah, it's about how much your web site sucks. And your guitar is out of tune
Moxie:
Well I'm glad someone has been playing it
Phoebe:
I'm glad someone other than you has been playing it. You are terrible on the guitar.
Moxie:
Thanks. Are you done picking on me?
Phoebe:
Not even close but hey I'm kind of hungry
Moxie:
I JUST fed you
Phoebe:
I'm still hungry and aren't we in the middle of the apocalypse?
Moxie:
Nice try, but not yet.
Phoebe:
Oh.
Moxie:
Don't look so disappointed
Phoebe:
Can we continue this later? I have to call Rumsfeld for our daily conference call. He's upset because Tom Ridge squealed that I made him raise the terror alert level.
Moxie:
Fine you little ingrate. But call him collect, please.
Posted by Moxie at 1:31 PM | Comments (6)
February 14, 2003
Happy Valentines Day from the Right Wing Texan
God I love women! Hell, my mother was one and so is my lovely wife, so it shouldn’t come as a complete surprise. I know that many of you out there are convinced that right-wingers starve children, impoverish the elderly, further enrich the rich, and seek out minorities to trample – but that doesn’t mean we aren’t appreciative of our women-folk. As a matter of fact Valentines Day is one of my favorite holidays. On February 14th of each year, we Bubbas can safely show our softer side without being kicked out of the local bass fishing club or ostracized by our peers at the hardware store. I’m not going to tell y’all what I have planned for Mrs. RightWingTexan - suffice it to say that it is going to be VERY romantic (Hint: Its starting with a joint hot-oil massage) – but I am going to share some Valentine thoughts about some of my favorite Women of the Blogdom. Hey – maybe Playboy should pick up on this!
Here, in alphabetical order, are my Valentine messages. Am I politically correct or what? Please note that this list could resemble the dead sea scrolls if I mentioned everyone I read, so in the interest of brevity I am forced to limit my selections to those I know well enough to poke fun at – pun intended.
Ann Salisbury – Ann, as much as it pains me I hope all of your favorite California candidates win their elections. California is a lost cause any way. I also hope that you experience many orgasmic moments while wading through the minutia of the Public Policy Documents you so love. I know you used to sneak-read my blog, so maybe there is some hope for you. Oh yeah – and you are not only smart you are cute too.
Dawn Olsen – What can I say? What’s not to love about this woman? She is saucy, irreverent, brassy, and can change her position on anything in seconds. Which begs for the answer to the question – what position do you like best? Dawn is a hottie and even though she claims to think I am hot, my guess is that if I showed up on her doorstep she’d run like hell. You are all talk Dawn baby, but you sure be lookin’ good.
Goddess – Is there another blog-mistress so aptly named? I think not. Surely she would be in the finals of a contest to pick the woman you would most like to be stranded with on a desert island. With no food and no water and a limited time to live – guess how I’d live out my final days. Oh yes, and she is a charter member of the RightWingTexan P---y Possy.
Ith – What a sweetie. This lovely girl has a personality and disposition to go with her good looks. She was one of my first readers and most frequent commenters. I have watched her (and her buddies) blog grow from a little human-interest site to an interesting and insightful commentary. Check her out – especially you California guys.
Melissa – The Arkansas backwoods pacifist, public-defender wannabe, and George Bush hater. Remind me again why I like her. Oh – I remember – she has a very active imagination, seeing things that really aren’t there. Were they hon? She also leaves sexy comments and is another charter member of the P---y Possy.
Moxie – The Mox! Where do I begin? She has been searching for a suitable man for as long as I can remember. One particular guy out there needs to come to his senses. If I were young and single I’d damn sure make a run at her. Hell, the missus even likes her – maybe she could just move in. Mox and I have sucked up a lot of late night bandwidth on Yahoo and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. Check out her stories and her really wonderful photographs – this hottie is smart too!
Peach – Peach is an on-again/off-again blogger and a political moderate. I have enjoyed her comments and email exchanges greatly - especially our book talk. She’s taken guys, but I have a feeling that this is one great wife. Methinks the lovely lady would be as much fun to cavort with as she is to converse with. Yeah, yeah I know I shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition.
Rachel Lucas – Dang it! Why am I so old and all these lovely ladies so young? It just isn’t fair. Piquant Rants and Sassy Impudence is one of the most descriptive blog titles in all of the blogworld. She is a Texas beauty that packs iron and is usually accompanied by one mean-looking dog and a steady boyfriend. Her keyboard, however, may be her biggest weapon. Don’t put yourself in this gal’s sights.
But seriously I want to wish all these lovely women and all those reading this a very happy and loving Valentines Day. May all your husbands and significant others show their appreciation with cards, flowers, kindness, romance, and last but not least --- CHOCOLATE!
Love ya all --- The RightWingTexan
Posted by Moxie at 1:48 PM | Comments (16)
needed here
Posted by Moxie at 1:06 PM | Comments (15)
February 13, 2003
titties for peace
Posted by Moxie at 3:06 PM | Comments (13)
February 12, 2003
I'm ready
I picked up my mail and dropped it on my floor. Hours later Phoebe and Bentley alerted me that I had brought in two snails with my magazines. By then the shelled creatures had slimed their way across the livingroom floor and had become an inadvertent cat toy, at the mercy of four very playful feline paws. According to my French super model neighbor snails are the ultimate in good luck. In France they'd sauté home stragglers with butter, here I hope that picking them up and putting them back outside won't bring me some sort of incurable skin disease. I'd like to think it was a good omen but still I feel the need to be prepared for the worst.
Lileks isn't the only one planning for a disaster. And I think I've done a better job. Dying happy doesn't have to do with food alone. Well it does if you are boring, I guess.
Sure food is important, for instance I have lots of pork products on hand. They keep forever and taste like heaven, not to mention that the terrorists hate pork. Anything I can do to piss them off is good by me.
But aside from that I've got it all worked out and I've got everything I need to die alone yet happily here in casa moxie.
First, I bought a few guilty-pleasure chick flicks. On the shrink wrap I used a sharpie to mark them clearly with "to be watched only in the event of a catastrophic disaster."
I've got crispini and triple-cream brie here to enjoy while I watch romantic comedies and slowly become fodder for the morgue. I'll be ultra Hollywood wearing my go go boots and faux leopard fur coat and will hardly notice that I can't breathe or my skin is falling off...I can focus on Reese Witherspoon kissing handsome men and then gleefully picking from a roomful of Tiffany engagement rings.
Then there are the kitties. No boring dry crunchy food for them, they'll be dining on chunk white tuna. We aim to die happy around these parts. And that is the mother-lode for my kitties - the little lions will eat like kings.
Hopefully the huge magnum bottle of wine I have stockpiled won't prevent me from opening the cans for the critters. Because if I'm going to die thanks to some islamofascist bastard, I'm going to die good and drunk. And I'll die with my middle finger extended and a lot of America in me.
We've got books, magazines and "marital aids" at hand. And extra batteries. Won't need those for the radio because mine is a hand crank, solar-powered type. I'll die satisfied. Jealous?
The only part of being single that sucks is that well, no one aside from my parents will care if I'm okay. I think that's the part about being in a relationship that I miss most. The calls just to make sure I'm okay. Even if it's just because I went to the grocery store after 10 PM.
But you know, I'm pretty scrappy, in the feisty sense. Who would dare mess with the mox?
tabasco guy is feisty as well. Thank you!!! You rock the mike onstage.
Posted by Moxie at 12:47 AM | Comments (26)
February 11, 2003
rerun: moxie's socks talk
originally posted 8-20-02
Pssst, Moxie?
Yeah....
I'm kind of lonely over here
You look lonely.
I think I saw my guy under your bed.
Wow, okay I'll hook it up in a just a second.
{The Los Angeles chapter of 'Socks without Partners' is having its weekly meeting at my house tonight. I'm a big fan of socks. They have good hearts. But mine get kind of nasty sometimes.}
Was he canoodling with that colored girl again?
Sports sock!! That's not very PC.
I know but he and I belong together
There's nothing wrong with him hanging out with a black knee high
Sorry, I'm just PMSing
Just don't let me hear you talk like that again or it's bleach for you.
If you follow through with the Clorox Miss Thang we'll see who disapears in the dryer next week.
Whatever. You're all talk. We've been together since college. And he wasn't with the black knee high, he was with another sock that looks a lot like you
That motherf*cker. We were made to be together and every chance he gets he's checking out some other girl's goods.
That was my fault actually.
You bitch!
Just be glad I didn't introduce him to that free airplane sock from Quantas. You know what they say about the Aussies.
First it's a sports sock that looks like me, next thing you know it'll be one of those cute little virginal peds I saw next to me in your drawer.
Nah, I never wear them. No chance of him mixing with the likes of them
Well don't be surprised if my guy is one of the singles who shows up for your next 'meet your mate' party.
I'll be more careful, I promise. But if that's not enough I know a really handsome fuzzy slipper you'd like.
Posted by Moxie at 11:19 PM | Comments (11)
February 10, 2003
joe millionaire, bondage and disappointment
I'd recap tonight's episode of Joe Millionaire, however it was primarily flashbacks and shots of Sarah Kozer's evil glare. Instead you could read this, this and this and it would summarize nicely what was shown tonight.
It was kind of like bondage for me, because even though my east coast friends had given me the spoiler, I felt my hands were tied and had no choice but to watch anyway.
The butler alluded to the surprise twist ending. Some speculate Evan is related to the Marriott family while others think that if the winner should accept him for who he is then the happy couple will receive a cool mill or two. Me with my active imagination would like to believe that it's a bit more sinister.
Like Fear Factor meets The Mole. The two girls have to eat yards of cow intestines while submerged under 10 feet of water, the one with the faster time gets the cash prize and the beefcake. But the beefcake, namely Evan Marriott is really a woman who had a sex change operation.
Or
One, both or even all of the girls are actually moles and have been acting the whole time. So the joke is on Evan Wallace Marriott who was willing to lie to a bevvy of beauties on national teevee to get some tail. Not to mention all the viewers who were calling the fine actresses money grubbing bitches.
So tonight's episode was largely unwarranted and unnecessary. I wasn't surprised, but what did surprise me is how many people are watching. First off, my statistics went through the roof before during and after the east coast time slot thanks to google and yahoo.
I almost spit diet coke through my nose when my Dad talked to me about the show and even knew the names and hometowns of the two finalists.
The guy who barely speaks English at the corner store asked me if I was watching the show and offered his opinion of the concept. Not one to hide my opinion, I told him,
"I'm just glad it's almost over"
What a long strange trip it has been, to borrow a phrase from The Grateful Dead. Though soon this show will be gratefully dead. At least for this girl. Those women who participated will have to live with it for a while longer, I'd imagine.
Moxie commentary on Joe Millionaire episode one, two, four and six.
update: interesting theory that Evan and his twin are on the show. Scroll down to the bottom of the comments section to view.
Posted by Moxie at 11:33 PM | Comments (47)
February 7, 2003
weapons inspections
I'm kind of hesistant to go out tonight. No, not because of the elevated terror threat but because I think it's only a matter of time until wankers in bars start using this stuff to get tail:
"The UN passed resolution 69 which clearly states I get some ass this weekend. If I don't, the terrorists win."
"As you can see from this December aerial photo, my bed is utterly empty...now, let's look at the last month's aerial photos...it also apears to be empty"
"Pardon me, I'm here to inspect your pants for weapons"
"How about we role play. I'll be the axis of evil, you be the President. Hear that chatter? I'm about to launch a surprise attack on Bush."
"My hormone levels are at orange or 'High' We need your help in preventing them from reaching red or 'severe.'"
Think it would work?
elsewhere: Ryan
Posted by Moxie at 12:32 PM | Comments (53)
February 5, 2003
mox eye view
Perhaps this photo helps explain my multitude of typos. And yes, that is a buddha on my desk. A beloved gift from Joanie's son Spenser.
While I've been sitting here in front of the computer, looking at my best boy lounging in my lap, I began to envy his whiskers.
No, no no.
I do NOT long for female facial hair.
I simply envy the function.
For you non cat folks, whiskers help cats sense where they won't fit, and most importantly, they allow them to move around when they can't see. That's exceedingly alluring to me for obvious reasons.
Please excuse me while I rub the tiny man's belly. I mean Bentley's not the buddha's.
better writing elsewhere: listen missy
Posted by Moxie at 3:13 PM | Comments (20)
February 4, 2003
one night
She was crying when he delivered the turkey sandwich, bottle of wine and pack of smokes but there was no need to hide it, he was simply a delivery man. She already knew she would not be able to eat or drink. This was a ritual that was all too familiar.
He possessed the gray hair and blue eyed combination that reminded her of her grandfather -- his kind eyes met her bloodshot gaze and gently with a thick Russian accent he said,
"Oh my sweet darling, you are sick!" without considering the contents of the package he was presenting.
"yes," she said and choked back a sob.
"You must remember, even though it feels like summertime, you are still very vulnerable."
She teared up, nodded and dabbed at her nose and eyes with toilet paper while her other hand dug out the cash to pay him.
"I see you are no different -- I see this everyday -- you should be more careful," he said with his blue eyes staring knowingly into hers.
She couldn't say anything, because it was clear he knew her story.
"So many of you, in Los Angeles -- they walk without shoes."
"Indeed," she agreed and wished him a good night.
After the door was closed she could not walk and slid down to the ground against the closed door and considered how profound his statement was, for her anyway. And then she cried some more to the sounds of Morphine.
Posted by Moxie at 1:26 AM | Comments (18)
February 2, 2003
sunday drivel
The groundhog saw his shadow so there will be six more weeks of winter. If this 80 degree, crystal clear sky is winter, I'm fine with that.
Last night I got really drunk with the Wilson brothers and Minnie Driver. I hate Minnie Driver. The bad part of knowing the brothers is that well, I know them. And they know where I live and often show up unannounced. Since I prefer to spend at least one night per weekend at home relaxing we sat around and drank very dry, dirty martinis and watched an Almodovar movie (that is, after I made them clean the litter box). I'm pretty sure they used it last time they were here.
what's this?
that's a turkey baster, Owen
what's it for?
for basting turkeys
where did you get it? I could use this on my motorcycle
I didn't want to ask how he would use it on his motorcycle, but I did explain that a kind reader JS (who didn't include his email address) sent me the DVD as well as the turkey baster. Perhaps one of the best gag gifts on record.
But you are only 31, moxie!
First of all, it's a joke. I've made some off-the-cuff comments about resorting to the turkey baster.
Why Mox? You've got guys lined up outside your front door. You just never let them in.
Owen, it takes years to get to know someone well enough. Which means I'll likely still be single when I'm 34 -- there's no way I'm going to let a man, or lack thereof get in the way of me being a mother.
You need some sperm?
No, not until I'm 34. But I'll keep you in mind.
Come on, Mox! You don't want to be an old Mom with a cane who can't keep up with her kids.
Nope. I'll call you when I'm 34. But I'll have to write about this, do you mind? Oh and you have a wasabi pea stuck in your tooth.
No, I don't mind. I thought you weren't going to post anything personal anymore?
Well, if I don't post anything personal then what would I write about? I'm hardly qualified to discuss politics and world events. Reality teevee all day every day would drive me insane. There are only so many captionless photos people will tolerate.
How about answering reader's questions? Give 'em some rotten advice, just until you figure out what's next...
Not a bad idea.
Email me your questions, I'll pick one or two and answer them on the site Monday afternoon. And make sure to remove the "REMOVE THIS" from my contact link.
A million thanks yous to JS for making me laugh!
must-see-http: wondersquirrel
Posted by Moxie at 1:47 PM | Comments (27)
