Posted by Moxie at 1:25 PM | Comments (12)

December 29, 2003

It was bound to happen

Was up most of the night with Bentley who was miserable, so after returning from the vets -- I actually got out of there just shy of a hundred bucks -- I fell asleep for a nap while listening to the news.

Quite a few firetrucks eventually pulled up in front of Casa del Mox. Curious, I put on my shoes and walked outside. One would think after my impromptu "bomb squad" experience I would have known better.

A fireman had already unraveled the hose on the truck and was running toward me armed for action,

"Ma'am, where's the fire?"

I told him I didn't know but that they should radio back to the dispatcher.

"You mean you didn't call?"

"No I heard the racket and came out to see what was going on."

"Rick, we can't find the fire!" he shouted back to another man who was raising the ladder to the roof of the building next door.

"I don't even smell smoke."

"If you find the fire let us know."

"Will do. Oh and, if YOU find the fire -- please put it out."

This my friends is -- as they say -- our tax dollars at work.

elsewhere: he's the capitalist lion, hear him roar.

Posted by Moxie at 6:23 PM | Comments (13)

no going back

I changed my main template and now the individual entry template, it ain't-a-workin' neither is the who page, well not working well that is. Luckily I know why -- I was too tired and lazy to go change the rest of them to accomodate the new style sheet.

So, bear with me the next few days as I tweak code between Bentley's latest health crisis (now it's his eye), cleaning, bill paying, sleep and a necessary weathering of the lines at the evil post office to send Alex Olsen a package of cheap but goodies ;)

(I know the three columns don't line up but damn it they are supposed to. Anyone who tells me how to fix it gets a gold star). While we are on the topic let me know what else is fucked up with the stylesheet. Really, I can take it.

Posted by Moxie at 2:29 AM | Comments (5)

December 28, 2003

Dems: Bush responsible for Mad Cow disease, monkey pox and SARS

If ONLY the Bush administration had done something about Mad Cow Disease, we could have recalled all the beef and no one would have died.

Oh, no one's died? Tell that to the Dems. The tone of the Democratic Presidential contenders reminds me of something that happened in pre-school:

4 year old boy: Your finger painting is better than mine, I can't win the art contest. moxie: Yours is as good, it's just different. 4 year old boy: Teacher!!! Moxie tore my painting. Teacher: Moxie, did you tear his painting? moxie: No, he just tore it. See? He has paint on his hands. 4 year old boy: Moxie gave me diarrhea. And she's got cooties. Ask anyone! moxie: I did not! I do not! 4 year old boy: AND she spit on the cookies and milk for snacktime. And my Daddy could beat up her Daddy. And, and and, Santa didn't come to my house because of her. moxie: Of course not, you're Jewish! 4 year old boy: You made me fall down and hurt myself in the playground. You made everyone be mean to me. moxie: whatever. You eat your boogers. 4 year old boy: YOU made me eat my boogers. moxie: I didn't know I was this powerful. But I like it. Now I'm going to make myself rich and educated so I never have to go to school again.

As I please...

Posted by Moxie at 11:10 PM | Comments (4)

click and see

...some lesser known appearances of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

...the Dean Embarrassment Watch.

...Acidman is cooking turd-wrestlers tonight.

...who Hootie and the Blowfish have endorsed. Wasn't aware that they were still around.

Posted by Moxie at 1:50 PM | Comments (5)

December 25, 2003

Now fortified with 500% more god and jesus references!

The painful truth. Idiotarian candidate for president:

BONUS: This just in, Dean isn't willing to say Bin Laden is guilty until he's tried in court. Isn't that special? Especially since OBL has on numerous occasions admitted responsibility. On audio and video tapes. Dean would be a hilarious character if placed where he belongs. On a sit-com.

Please welcome my youngest blog-child!!

Posted by Moxie at 3:15 AM | Comments (29)

December 23, 2003

Happy Holidays

I asked Bentley if he had anything he wanted to post before Christmas. He ignored me but magically this photo appeared on my desktop.

Who knew Phoebe could use the camera? She apologies for the redeye.

As for me, over on The Agitator I've posted about following Tom Ridge's instructions about showing goodwill to the terrorists.

It's already been a great Xmas! I'd like to thank everyone who surprised me with some jingling in the tip jar and to that wonderful reader who sent me the DVD of Airplane. You all know who you are, but I will send emails individually this afternoon.

Posting will continue over the Holidays but will be infrequent.

Posted by Moxie at 2:01 PM | Comments (11)

December 17, 2003

here we go again

This statement makes every hair on my head stand on end. It's not pretty, believe me.

Democratic presidential contender Wesley Clark said Wednesday:

"If I'd been president, I would have had Osama bin Laden by this time."

How could that be true when according to Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright the Bush administration is holding Usama bin Laden captive, waiting to break him out at the best political moment?

I'd be okay with these Democrat nosepicker's theories if only the party could all get on the same page.

Got quite a few emails about comments, so we'll try this again but nothing makes me cry harder than readers with nothing to say ;)

Posted by Moxie at 5:27 PM | Comments (37)

trouble comes in threes

After reading this, you might think I'm making this up. To that point, given the significant raise in traffic, I might think all of your keyboards are broken since no one has anything to say.

I drove to a friend's house the other night for a Holiday wine and cheese girl's night. Afterwards I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some kitty litter.

After lugging the 20 lb tub of cat shit fodder out of the store I noticed that my car was lower on one side.

That's right a flat tire. The three in the one, two three.

Let's hope this is the end. And to that end I'm also turning off comments until the new year though I will still update sporadically.

Happy Holidays...

Posted by Moxie at 12:40 AM

December 15, 2003

hey cowboy

Hopefully I won’t get into too much trouble for transcribing this…but by now anything is a nice break from all the internet talk of the former tyrannical human-shredding rat in a hole.

So let's get back to internet celebutante PrOn for a moment okay? That's the way Al Gore would have wanted it way back when he invented the innerneck. At least that's what he told me last night.

not to be missed: allison lives.

Posted by Moxie at 2:36 AM | Comments (6)

December 14, 2003

the doctor

Thanks to my good friend Michael Capozzola!

Posted by Moxie at 4:21 PM | Comments (9)

sucks to be you

I’m really torn about what type of punishment should befall Saddam Hussein.

While the details of the trial haven’t been decided, I am decided that though the death penalty sounds apt, a sterile injection just doesn’t match up to the crimes he committed. With the big DP he still might qualify as a martyr and death in the long run is so much less painful than say, a weekly bikini wax.

Perhaps he could be assigned the role of Dennis Kucinich’s Campaign Information Minister. Why kill someone when you can subject him to round-the-clock music of The Backstreet Boys and N’synch? Maybe Al Gore can put Saddam in his lock box and explain ad nauseum how the Republicans stole the last election not to mention that he invented the internet.

Is there anything more torturous than watching the washed-up Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon Weekend Updates?

When there are so many other possibilities, death just seems too easy.

Regardless, at night I fall asleep listening to talk radio. Last night I turned on the radio but failed to set the timer. Eventually I started dreaming about reports that we may have captured the ace in the hole. Bremer started to speak and I heard the journalists cheering. The radio commentator mentioned how rare it was to see such a reaction from the press.

That sound caused me to bolt upright, after prying the sleeping kitties from my arms I ran for the teevee.

It’s such a bad day to be Saddam Hussein. On that note it also sucks to be Howard Dean…

shout out: The Ben File

Posted by Moxie at 8:05 AM | Comments (5)

December 11, 2003

six times and counting

Some idiot hit my parked car again -- took off the sideview mirror and damaged the paint. I say "some idiot" because much like last month's hit and run they didn't bother to leave a note.

Of course I have a meeting across town, it's raining so electrical tape and a prayer ain't likely to get me there.

Oh I love my life.

Posted by Moxie at 12:40 PM | Comments (11)

trista and ryan's wedding

I always cry at weddings.

For the record I also cry during extremely sappy douche and tampon commercials. So why didn't I find Trista and Ryan's wedding even the least bit moving?

1) Paparazzi
Could have been the constant shots of the paparazzi helicopters hovering above. As if ABC was saying, looky here -- 1, 2, 3, 4, no FIVE helicopters -- see how popular our failing network is? We make stars out of extraordinarily good looking people.

Wow, extremely good looking people from teevee attracting attention? That's a new one.

Could have been the fact that I could HEAR the helicopters drowning out the Reverend and the Bride and Groom's vows.

The entire event didn't strike me as sincere, then again I think both Trista and Ryan felt out of sorts with the out of control production and the noise of the paparazzi floating above.

How dare anyone disturb what is supposed to be the happiest day of a couple's life? Though I hate taxes, I think anyone who causes that kind of disturbance during a wedding should have a very heavy tax to pay.

2) Cutesy-cutesy cheerleader marries handsome fireman
Maybe it was Trista's sticky sweet and smug manner during the production. Or the lack of tears during the ceremony. Again, who could blame them given the above.

The child in the firetruck was a sweet addition to the procession. Though why did they ask a 3 year old girl to pull twice her weight? Watching her struggle made me wonder if she's been paid for manual labor. I entitled that scene, "A flowergirl finds out in front of every great man there is a strong woman." Or perhaps it was a metaphor for Trista dragging Ryan to the alter. He was the only one of the two who expressed nervousness and apprehension.

3) Pinked out
I'm like many other girls -- I love pink -- but after watching this I think the whites of my eyes have turned a lovely shade of dusty rose. That pink scarf I'm knitting for a gift suddenly makes me feel queasy. Will detox by looking only at neutral colors and places for the next two years.

Bentley is now shitting runny pink after sitting beside me during the duration of the broadcast.

Good god that was too much pink for five lifetimes. Proof positive that 4 million dollars can't buy ya class.

4) Google
My web counter went crazy for hours today. I'm now convinced I have about 5 or 6 regular readers.

The other thousand people who came in via google for "Tisha and Ryan's wedding" or "Trisha and Ryan's Wedding" make up the remaining 999. I'd thank god for google traffic except that I really don't care about traffic. If after three years I'm not hitting 10k a day, I never will. But it did make me sad that so many people don't have Trista's name right after ALL that expensive ABC publicity.

5) the "reality" factor
Sure most people hire someone to take video of their wedding, but who invites the three yes-we're-still-single guys rejected on national teevee to the wedding only so they can be interviewed by the last man you rejected for Ryan?

Very sick, people. Or maybe these guys are are masochistic.

Didn't that cowboy call her shallow? Call ME shallow but no one who's called me that shit to my face will ever be invited for dinner let alone a major life event.

Interestingly enough, Alex Michel wasn't there. Ladies, I hear he's still single...

***

My criticisms aside, I'd agree with the folks who said Trista is the luckiest woman alive, she's got a great man there. Now to keep him...

please: send your good vibes to Dawn Olsen who is due any day. They say sex stimulates childbirth, have some for her!

Posted by Moxie at 12:03 AM | Comments (27)

December 10, 2003

wrong!

I had to pull over today and snap this photo -- that's why people hate to drive with me, inevitably I see something stupid and just have to photograph it.

This photo reminds me of a story a friend told me a few months back after her day in traffic school.

The out-of-work stand up comic asked, "What do you think when you see a broken traffic meter?"

A woman immediately replied, "I think it's a gift from god."

That's wrong of course. He told the class that you can be ticketed for parking at a broken meter.

"What am I supposed to do...park by a fire hydrant instead? Tape the money to the meter and leave a note recording my arrival time at the broken meter?" she asked.

"No, you find a parking space that doesn't have a broken meter."

"That's just wrong."

Again, that's why these people are in traffic school.

must read elsewhere: kevin cole

Posted by Moxie at 8:43 PM | Comments (9)

quick confession

I have to admit it -- I kind of like Joe Lieberman. That guy is a class act all around.

Predictably, the Liberal press much like the Pinko Al Gore knows to win the White House they have to get behind Dean -- the guy with the biggest piehole -- so they report Lieberman "lashed out" in hopes of turning the undecided Dems toward Howard Dean.

Not to be repetitive but for the record Howie is the one who compares Bush to the Taliban. Also he considers "Us rural people" to include himself...bred on Park Avenue and East Hampton. Yale educated. Rural, indeed. (link via Pejman)

Couldn't disagree more on all counts.

The Gore betrayal was handled with aplomb.

If there was a chance the White House would change hands, I'd be most accepting of it being in Lieberman's hands. He's gained yards of my respect.

Even with my Mother, whose sometimes irrational hatred of Democrats was overcome after watching him speak a few times, most recently on the news yesterday morning.

elsewhere: my virtual boyfriend Jaboobie. Ummm, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know we are dating so be tactful.

Posted by Moxie at 12:35 AM | Comments (12)

December 9, 2003

Iraqi Colonel: WMD Could've Been Launched in 45 Minutes

You'd think this would be big news:

"Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and his army was capable of firing them off in less than 45 minutes, according to statements from an Iraqi colonel."

Let's check the front pages of major internet news providers, since I've yet to hear of this on my local network teevee news.

Fox? check.

MSNBC? nothing.

CNN? negative.

New York Times? no.

Maybe I've missed its fleeting moment on the other news sources. Being an open minded right winger I'm giving the benefit of the doubt. However if Bush mispronounced a single syllable it would be front page news for days.

But then again, Gore shunned his buddy Lieberman for Dean...

Howard Dean compares President Bush to the Taliban and calls him the "enemy" and "despicable." Dick Gephardt calls the President "a miserable failure." John Kerry compared President Bush to Saddam Hussein.

Robert Redford called the Bush Administration "mean"

Did I forget to mention Kerry's potty mouth?

Things must really be bad for liberals to ignore something this important and engage in name calling.

Posted by Moxie at 12:36 AM | Comments (24)

December 8, 2003

Average Joe Millionaire

Adam took the not-so-short bus home tonight. But at least he's not average. Not really. How many average guys are millionaires?

The Fortune articles on Adam Mesh can be found here, though you need a subscription to view the full monty.

Personally I found Jason, Melana's choice to be snarky, superficial and insincere. In that respect they are a perfect match.

If I were a few years younger, I would have been all over that sweet Adam. Good looking, funny, romantic, intelligent and successful. Instead Melana opted for the beauty in a man who still lives at home with his folks to "save money." I suppose no one told Mr. Jason Peoples that saving money is what room mates are for. But then again maybe he's difficult to live with, all those skin and hair care products must clutter the bathroom counter.

Adam's fate was a complete surprise to me -- women are supposed to be more inclined to overlook the physical than men are in like situations. Just look at the wedding announcements in your local paper.

Then again, women are also supposed to be money-grubbers so this is one shred of proof that looks overcome money. Please, forget all about personality and character. This is "reality" teevee!

Even more shocking is that the next season, to begin four weeks from tonight is called Average Joe II Hawaii. Perhaps they attempted an Average Jane and the bachelor walked off the set.

Being somewhat disappointed in the lack of gender reversal, I won't be tuning in for the next season. But if the producers ever get the ovaries, I mean courage to force a man to choose from hirsute and less than ideal women I'll be watching.

It's only fair.

Posted by Moxie at 11:00 PM | Comments (10)

web polls, popularity contests and high school flashbacks

Kevin over at Wizbang created a blogger awards poll that has been creating quite a bit of web-based buzz.

While my current policy is to ignore contests of any sort I should mention that I am flattered as well as baffled at ending up in the "Best Female Authored Blog" category.

Especially since not one person nominated me in the comments.

Much like painting, I see writing as an art and comparing any artist to another is simply pointless. Of course in regards to me, I'm just a hack. Sometimes I get lucky and other times (mostly) I just suck.

But I don't compare myself to others and dislike being compared to others. I'm just myself.

Love me or leave me. Trust me, I'm used to it.

For that reason I must compare this to an election. And as such a quote from Election is warranted:

"Who cares about this stupid election? ...
You think it's going to change anything around here, make one single person happier or smarter or nicer?

The only person it matters to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don't even want to go to college, and I don't care, and as president I won't do anything."

Love,
Tammy Metzler

Notably absent: the fantastic Tony Pierce

Posted by Moxie at 1:53 AM | Comments (11)

December 7, 2003

Veterinarian is latin for expensive

Five hundred and ninety dollars for more than a few diagnostic tests and I still don't know what's wrong with Bentley.

What I do know is that his bowel has been engaging in a major and messy revolt.

Imagine my shock and delight when the vet said the blood panel they ran showed him to be in "great" shape for a cat of his age. He'll be eleven in March -- a Pisces, of course.

Bentley's blood results came back, he's doing great!

Great? So why does he have the runs?

We don't know, but he's in very good health based on his blood panel test

Very good? You said great earlier.

Yes, he's great.

So basically that 600 bucks I spent over the last month has revealed nothing.

Pretty much.

Thanks.

Have a great weekend.

So that's the update.
At least he is living up to his name.

Posted by Moxie at 11:54 PM | Comments (19)

December 4, 2003

the more you earn -- the more you pay

I've got a lot on my plate and a very sick kitty to deal with.

Since the large majority of readers here fall on the right, I thought I'd throw out a topic to discuss.

Why shouldn't we pay a flat income tax?

Assuming it's reasonable, of course.

Whether you are a medical doctor or you work at McDonald's -- you pay the same percentage based on your yearly earnings.

My inner Libertarian has more to say about this -- but in the meanwhile it's your turn...

Posted by Moxie at 10:56 PM | Comments (39)

December 3, 2003

must read

I'm not usually a linker but since all of Nancy's posts are link worthy and I can't link her everyday -- this one -- you have to read for yourself.

Click HERE please.

What are you still doing here? Go read the story. NOW!!

Posted by Moxie at 12:52 AM | Comments (2)

December 2, 2003

what decade you livin' in Dean?

A pal sent me this quote and though indeed I'm a bit late I couldn't do a damn thing to prevent myself from typing.

Here is HOWARD DEAN'S gaffe from Hardball:

Also, we have less-fewer levers much the key, I believe, to Iran is pressure through the Soviet Union. The Soviet Union is supplying much of the equipment that Iran, I believe, most likely is using to set itself along the path of developing nuclear weapons. We need to use that leverage with the Soviet Union and it may require us to buying the equipment the Soviet Union was ultimately going to sell to Iran to prevent Iran from them developing nuclear weapons.

First of all, I understand virtually nothing about what Dean was trying to say here. The Soviet Union broke up in 1991 -- that's well over twelve years ago.

Is he suggesting that the Soviet Union still exists and these three or four (okay maybe five) men are running a stealth USSR and selling equipment to Iran?

Several Presidents later it's Russia to most of us who don't live in Vermont, where apparently the breaking news is the election of Jimmy Carter as POTUS.

Please, someone hand Dean a history book and send him a link to Google news.

Perhaps none of the men between Reagan (whose contributions ended the Cold War and opened the door for Russia's reform) and Bush II have been "Dean's Presidents" but that doesn't mean it's still the USSR.

I DO understand that he is a Medical Doctor...if my doctor told me I had "less-fewer" levers or whatever I'd walk out the door without bothering to ask how many less-fewer I had. If we're talking less-fewer, unless it's lbs I think it's best I don't know.

Or better yet seek someone, a doctor who speaks coherent English on the fly. Makes one wonder why Dean left medicine. Or not. But I still don't think he's found his niche.

Seems like Dean had less-fewer English classes than most doctors I know. He makes Dubya's Nevada pronunciation seem less-fewer, too.

Besides the dictionary lists both NeVAHDA and NevAD-AH as correct.

Now I will commence less-fewer typing of then words, I believe Iran, the key require us to buying the equipment.

GOOD GOD!

please cleanse your palates by checking out:
resurrectionsong

Posted by Moxie at 4:42 PM | Comments (14)

December 1, 2003

more cheating

Though I haven't just yet -- I plan to begin cheating on you all again.

Sean Bonner started up a cool Los Angeles based group blog, blogging.la. He was kind enough to include me as a contributor.

If you are interested in what's happening here in the city of the hip be sure to check it out!

Posted by Moxie at 10:36 AM | Comments (1)