« December 2003 | Main | February 2004 »

January 30, 2004

fool me once shame on you...

fool me twice, shame on me. I don't know -- if I were a terrorist I'd be letting the U.S. hear lots of incorrect chatter. What better way to strike a place they've not heard about in any intercepts? Or figure out how we will respond? Even an idiot hiding in a cave would have known that we intercepted messages and canceled flights in response. One would think they'd try to alter their methods. Or at least decide on a code for airports that would confuse (i.e., any LAX mention actually equals EWR or whatever). We know they aren't stupid. Evil? Yes! But stupid? No. So now we're hearing of the Air France, British Airways plots part deux. We're like puppets with a terrorist audience at this point. They allow us to hear some chatter and they can listen to/or read the news and hear ALL about how we've responded. The media coverage is at times a hindrance to our security. And this comes from someone who likes to know what's going on. Some information should not be released or leaked to the media. Personally, I'd rather lose some civil liberties than be dead before my time. I don't know, maybe our intelligence is *that* advanced, but somehow I doubt it. And I doubt it with the same fervor that I doubt the existence of a god. Any god. lovin' jarrett house north, now you go love him too...

Posted by Moxie at 11:06 PM | Comments (6)

lazy like me

I've posted elsewhere. Yes, I do enjoy cheating on you. --> Stossel -- If there's a party and nobody blogs it, did it happen at all? --> a woman named labia If you are super lazy but have already seen these items, a new original to moxie entry is posted below. (that last link was for those too lazy to scroll)

Posted by Moxie at 2:22 AM | Comments (3)

recent private comments about my web log

"I don't read it anymore because I can't deal with your politics." -- K.B. "I'm terrified to read it for fear I see you wrote about me. Or you wrote about someone else and I'll think it was me. And when I realize it was someone else, I'll be upset you didn't write about me." -- B.S. "I don't see you that often but I know everything that's going on in your life." -- D.R. "I'd answer your email but I don't talk to Republicans. Just kidding, I read that on your web site. Funny story." -- S.U. "I have you on my PDA." -- P.P. "Are you ever going to post nude photos?" -- Perv "Stop it with the personal anecdotes and focus on the politics." -- NV "Can you shut your piehole with the right wing Ann Coulter crap and tell me what you were wearing today?" -- BH And people wonder why I love my web site.... terribly missed on wednesday night: Tony Pierce

Posted by Moxie at 12:07 AM | Comments (11)

January 27, 2004

no free speech for you!

Just a quicky here... This really is dripping with irony. "Al Franken yesterday body-slammed a demonstrator to the ground after the man tried to shout down Gov. Howard Dean. ... Franken said he's not backing Dean but merely wanted to protect the right of people to speak freely." I don't know. Wasn't the man who got body slammed doing nothing more than exercising HIS right to free speech?

Posted by Moxie at 7:10 PM | Comments (16)

January 26, 2004

pardon my silence

Gaze at my beautiful feline girl. My so called "wisdom" teeth come out at the end of the week. That means a full 5 days of pain only trumped by terminal illness and severe ear aches. Meanwhile I'll be dreaming of Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Pardon my silence. {If anyone wants to guest post while I bang my head against the wall to relieve the pain, please email me.}

Posted by Moxie at 1:35 AM | Comments (20)

January 25, 2004

the painful truth

You really find out who your friends are when you're under the weather. It's not that I didn't learn that lesson when I was depressed, broke and abandoned but a refresher course is always a good thing. Even if it involves intense dental and jaw pain. I woke up a few days ago and could not open my mouth. Lots of people were pleased, since I couldn't speak. For a few days my thighs were pleased because I could not eat. Eventually I found a dentist. If you need to see one, this is how it works: Moxie: I'm in a great deal of pain and need to see Dr. Jones today, he was referred to me by some guy on a web site. Receptionist #1: I'm sorry but Dr. Jones is playing golf today but I can refer you to Dr. Smith who's nearby. Moxie: I'm in a great deal of pain and need to see Dr. Smith today, he was referred to me by Dr. Jones who was referred to me by some guy on a web site. Receptionist #2: I'm sorry but Dr. Smith doesn't see Dr. Jones' patients unless it's an emergency. Moxie: It IS an emergency. Receptionist #2: Well he's out playing golf with Dr. Jones, so I can refer you to Dr. Miller. Moxie: I'm in a great deal of pain, Dr Jones referred me to Dr Smith who referred me to Dr. Miller. Receptionist #3: Have you ever seen Dr. Jones? Moxie: No, he was referred to me by some guy on a web site. Receptionist #3: Well we don't know that guy from the web site, so I'll have to refer you to Dr. Klein. Moxie: I'm in a f'ing lot of pain. I've called 3 other dentists and I'm about to walk out in front of a fast moving bus if Dr. Klein can't see me. Receptionist #4: Why would you do that? Moxie: It would hurt a hell of a lot LESS than the pain I've got going on in my mouth right now. Receptionist #4: How would you characterize this pain? Moxie: Again, it feels worse than being run over by a bus. Was that not clear enough? Receptionist #4: Well, Dr Klein is shomer shabbas so I'll have to refer you to Dr. Hyman. Moxie: No. Receptionist #4: Okay, here's the number for Dr. Johnson Moxie: I'm dying over here and your compadres are all out playing golf, observing the sabbath or simply not seeing the likes of me because the initial referral was from some guy on the innerneck. Receptionist #5: We'll see you immediately. How fast can you get to Houston? Anyway, I digress (even though that's really how it happened). The dentist told me "your wisdom teeth are coming in and they are impacted. This is common in folks your age." I gave him a look that he apparently knew well, "you know, wisdom teeth usually come out in your teens but being 23 or 24 and having them become impacted isn't terribly unusual. It's just at the end range of the age spectrum." And then he handed me a colorful brochure entitled, "Wisdom teeth extractions in your late teens and early twenties." Pictured were overly-happy smiling teenagers with braces and college students with books under their arms wearing fraternity sweatshirts. Feeling out of place I asked him if he had looked at my chart, if he had any idea who or how old I was... Doctor who was kind enough to see me: Yes, you are the woman who flew in from Los Angeles to see me. You are 25? Moxie: Not even close. Doctor who was kind enough to see me: 26? Moxie: There's no time for games Dr., I'm 32 years old. Doctor who was kind enough to see me: Oh you are a joker! You are 23. Moxie: You are moving in the wrong direction Dr. I'm 32 years old. Doctor who was kind enough to see me: Well that IS strange but you really don't look a day over 24. It was at this point I fell madly in love with him. A day later I spent hours crying over the unrelenting pain. You see, no matter how young you look one must schedule the removal of impacted wisdom teeth. And it's always a few more days than you can tolerate. 'bout midnight I stopped crying long enough to chat with a friend. He drove over here from the beach. That alone made me feel better. When you are down and out, you can always spot a good friend. They are the only ones left around you.

Posted by Moxie at 4:09 AM | Comments (16)

January 21, 2004

couldn't have said it better

Sometimes Drudge is a subtle genius: A nice a cappella encore to his insane Yeeeeeaaaah. I think he'll feel right at home in the padded room.

Posted by Moxie at 12:27 AM | Comments (17)

January 20, 2004

State of the Demobrats

Just some random reactions, in part spurred by reading and pounding out a comment on Jay Reding's site a moment ago. Nancy Pelosi: You know what I kept thinking during her response? Ole Nancy represents California, home of Hollywood where even the most idiotic and braindead actor or actress masters the act of reading from the teleprompter... She looked like she was suffering an extreme case of constipation and consternation -- George Dubya has come a long way in terms of his public speaking. His speech was a good one and hers appeared very much less so. Sen. Edward Kennedy: Apparently all that drinking has caused him to develop a tick wherein he can not control the shaking of his head when good ideas are spoken by a member of the Republican party. Poor bloated Tedward. Hilary Clinton: That scowl! Did someone forget their botox this week or has Slick Willy been soiling some young girls' dress again? I suppose it does take a village to keep her husband satisfied. But regardless, she should learn to play poker -- a good poker face is invaluable in politics. Just look at Kerry -- he's incapable of any facial expressions at all! Last but not least HRC should gain the ability to clap as if she wasn't moving in slow motion or have the ovaries not to clap at all if she disagrees. Fret not, she's got a future as a mime either way. In General: Daschle and Pelosi both stressed that Bush needs to engage an International coalition. As George Dubya pointed out Britain, Australia, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Italy, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Romania, the Netherlands, Norway, El Salvador, and the 17 other countries that have committed troops to Iraq must be very upset to know that they do not count towards this "International" coalition.

Posted by Moxie at 8:51 PM | Comments (16)

where are all the spammers?

A few days ago after spending a good forty-five minutes deleting over 125 pieces of comment spam I broke down upgraded Moveable Type and installed MT-Blacklist. Everything went well and I'm now eagerly watching the activity log to see how many spammers get shot down. Go figure but so far I've been denied that extreme pleasure. Since the installation not one douchebag has tried to spam me. I know, I know -- be careful what you wish for! UPDATE for 1.24.04: MT-Blacklist comment denial on moxie: impotence-rx . I'm downright giddy!!

Posted by Moxie at 7:36 PM | Comments (8)

this man horrifies me and apparently most of Iowa as well

Because I'm feeling fiesty I'll make this post a tribute to The BlogFather -- especially since the post I'm linking to ribs Mickey Kaus.

Dean disgusts Iowa as well as one woman and man in Los Angeles.

Indeed.

Read the whole thing ;)

Posted by Moxie at 2:54 AM | Comments (4)

January 19, 2004

bizarro

Unless you have a newspaper in hand, this post is much like the oft-whispered, "You will never believe what I heard about so-and-so" from your youth.

You ask who and what only to receive the gravely unsatisfactory, "Oh I can't tell you."

Or maybe you weren't like me in high school. Which is probably a good thing.

But my dear friend Mike Capozzola wrote the panel for Bizarro today.

The bad part is it's not yet available online -- so if you have that old skool inky paper on your doorstep take a gander.

If ever there was a time to read the LA Times BEFORE using it to train your puppy, this is the day.

It's so nice to see good things happening to good people!

Posted by Moxie at 8:00 PM | Comments (1)

January 16, 2004

who needs a sane candidate?

While I wasn't wild about her books, I've grown quite fond of Ann Coulter's columns.

"On "Meet the Press" back in November, Clark described intelligence as "a sort of gray goo as you look at it. You can't see through it, exactly, and if you try to touch it, it gets real sticky and you might actually interfere with the information that you're getting back. So you have to draw inferences from it." No, wait. I'm sorry. I think that was Clark talking about Monica Lewinsky's dress, not national security intelligence."

and

"Democrats are utterly unfazed by the fact that Clark is crazier than a March hare. They are so happy to have a pacifist in uniform, they ignore his Norman Bates moments."

Even if you are a Liberal, her columns are more amusing than most of what is on teevee at night. Read her. Read her often.

After all we conservatives get a kick out of the left's answer to Ann Coulter -- Miss MoDo.

I for one would love to see them spar. Times Square at sundown. Armed only with their wacky journalistic stylings.

Posted by Moxie at 2:47 PM | Comments (14)

January 15, 2004

call me unfashionable

I don't care how hot this fashion becomes in the spring, I am not going to shrink down to 4'10 nor will I grow a wavy beard or wear sideburns.

Okay, I *think* these are men, but I'm still not so sure.

Let's give them the benefit of the doubt -- that they are indeed men, sporting future styles for the aforementioned men.

In that case I'd hate to see the hot Texans abandon their grooming habits and lack of mixing the plaids, stripes and prints to please the likes of us LA ladies.

It's not like a guy dressed like that would make a suitable companion for any woman who has a modicum of taste.

Back when I was a teenager I worried about growing old and getting stuck in an era of yore.

I'd be happy to fail if this is the future face of fashion.

I suppose this is why I hate when movies become wildly popular as they have a way of infiltrating areas of our lives that should never see the likes of Frodo or which ever hobbit/idiot/hero they are trying to emulate.

So go on -- call me and all my friends unfashionable -- we can take it.

It's better than looking like a troll.

Posted by Moxie at 5:31 PM | Comments (15)

January 14, 2004

as always -- incriminating evidence

Yeah, yeah I know. It's a super lazy photoshop job but it's late...

Posted by Moxie at 2:08 AM | Comments (14)

January 12, 2004

thank you!!!

Yes, the rumors are true, it's my 3rd annual 30th birthday today. For those of you who are math deficient (like myself) and don't have an abacus on hand, that makes me 32.

Anywho, I'm currently happy and thankful that 2003 and my 31st year are over.

As is always true when I'm happy I'm fearful to write since so much of my inspiration comes from misery.

Only time will tell.

In the meanwhile thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, I am overwhelmed with your thoughtfulness.

Of course I will respond (there are also a few old paypal jinglings that landed in my spam folder that require a note back as well) but booze is calling...afterall you only turn 32 once.

And I can tell it's going to be a kick ass year.

Posted by Moxie at 9:36 PM | Comments (28)

karma

My Mum asked if I really believed in karma...meaning that she's seen so many people get away with nasty things and never have it hit them squarely in the ass.

I told her I did -- that I had seen it in action but lacked concrete examples. Or ones that she'd understand.

An hour later some assh*le was riding my bumper on Los Feliz Blvd. He was talking on the cell phone and via the rear view mirror I watched him almost hit me three times.

Moments later he pulled into the other lane, hit the gas hard and passed me while gesticulating wildly. I almost made an obscene gesture of my own except that a motorcycle cop had already given him his official version of the finger. Siren's flashing and future ticket-wise.

Yes, Mum there is a karma claus.

Posted by Moxie at 2:00 AM | Comments (8)

January 11, 2004

ditto that

What do Dana, Anna, Lori, Sgt Hook and I have in common?

We've all received verbatim marriage proposals from the self-described Gentleman Caller from Hell.

It amused me to no end so I thought I'd share the chuckle. Reminded me of a time when my friends and I had published personal ads and the same guy sent identical messages to all of us.

And please folks, this post is meant all in good fun. Having corresponded with TGCFH in the past I thought it would be a well deserved ribbing...

Posted by Moxie at 2:41 PM | Comments (5)

January 10, 2004

that's why

I understand that some people in the Northeast are experiencing extreme cold.

I can sympathize as here in Los Angeles I had some weather related problems of my own.

My air conditioner in the go-cart has run out of freon. So to cool off I had to pull over and remove the summer sweater I had on and run my errands in a spaghetti strapped tank top. This was much easier than removing the top from my convertible as I hadn't thought to put the sunscreen or a hat in my car.

Also, I hadn't thought to turn off the heater downstairs so when I awoke today it was a god damn sauna until I opened all the windows and turned the heater to it's upright and off position.

It was a balmy 75 degrees today. 80 tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to manage.

For those who always ask me, THIS is why I live here.

okay I'm done being snarky until 2005. snarky was so very 2003 to begin with. please forgive me east coasters, I know not what I'm doing -- it's the heat.

Posted by Moxie at 6:48 PM | Comments (12)

January 9, 2004

and in texas they say

I had dinner with two handsome Texans the other night. A woman walked to the back of the restaurant ostensibly to find the restroom -- she pushed the swinging doors a little too hard -- the sound caused every head in the room to turn her way.

Texan #1:
Those doors are lighter than they look. I almost did the same thing when I went back to tinkle.

Moxie: Tinkle? Did you really just say tinkle? Texan #2: I think he DID say tinkle Texan#1: What? Moxie: You aren't 4 years old anymore... Texan#1: Well then what do you call it? Number 1? Moxie: No, I say I'm going to the restroom Texan #2: Tinkle doesn't sound very manly. Moxie: I'd think in Texas if a man says he's "fixin' to go tinkle" someone would beat the shit out of him. Texan#2: That's entirely possible. Texan#1: Are y'all done making fun of me? Moxie: Not even close. But please excuse me, I have to go tinkle.

Posted by Moxie at 5:50 PM | Comments (10)

January 8, 2004

God made me say it

Howie D says that though God was radio silent with him on the bike path incident, he's been speaking to him lately.

On Wednesday Dean said in an interview, "from a religious point of view, if God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people." [ed: -- moxie is very okay with -- using Dean's term -- "gay people" and doesn't need god's permission to justify. Advance apologies for the following "if god created" analogy.]

By that same theory,

“If God didn’t want to steal from the rich to give to the poor he wouldn’t have created Democrats.”

This kind of thinking is why I am an atheist.

typing inspiration: Cash…Johnny Cash. American IV: The Man Comes Around. Thank you Matt!

Posted by Moxie at 1:15 AM | Comments (20)

January 5, 2004

Rerun from 2002: christina's pants

Bentley, my cat was on assignment and had a chance to talk with Christina Aguilara's pants. He's giving you the preview and yes, he asked all those burning questions about what it's like to be close to her.

Bentley: So, lots' of people think your kissy kiss girl Christina is a skank, do you have anything to say about that?

Christina's pants: Dude, I've been taken off more times than a whore's panties. But Christina's okay. I mean, I've been worn before and she keeps me clean. Or, at least her wardrobe people do.

Bentley: Would you mind if I slept with her?

Christina's pants: What?

Bentley: Sorry, underneath all this fur, I'm still a man. Even if my Mom did have me snipped.

Christina's pants: look man, you are still far better off than I am. I mean, I don't even have a penis. No rod, no testicles = no action. Be grateful you still have some of your man parts.

Bentley: So you were part of a cow at some point?

Christina's pants: Yeah, I'm suede now. Used to graze in the central valley. Great weather there dude. The BEST grass.

Bentley: I'd like to check that out sometime. Do you have a los angeles connection?

Christina's pants: Look, do you want the dirt or not? We can sit around talking about grass all day if you want to. I'm game. But Moxie told me folks wanted to know all there is to know about rubbing up against Christina.

Bentley: Right, so what's it like hugging her most intimate curves?

Christina's pants: Well, she's got great curves in all the right places, but ummm...all these tight pants have caused a yeasty problem

Bentley: Chronic yeast infections?

Christina's pants: I think that's right. How do you know that stuff? You are a cat for god's sake!

Bentley: I read a lot of medical journals. Steal them from the doctor next door. Mom's been leaving me and Phoebe to hang out with this guy named "_____." A cat needs his entertainment. And what kind of name is "_____?"

Christina's pants: Dude, I'd love to help you but this chick Christina needs help. I can't go on like this anymore. I'm stuck right in the middle of the problem.

Bentley: I'll see what I can do. But what about her ass? You like hanging around that, at least?

Christina's pants: Yeah, she's got back brother. but....

Bentley: Hey, everyone passes some gas sometimes. You are a picky little bastard.

Christina's pants: Try having her ass in your face for 15-20 hours a day. And then being put back on after Fred Durst's been around.

Bentley: So basically, you think she's a skanky ho.

Christina's pants: That's one way of putting it.

Bentley: Buddy, not only did I get NO grass, but most of this interview is unuseable. The New York Times is going to kill me.

Christina's pants: How's about a little kiss then?

Bentley: Oh gawd. Christina's pants go both ways. Sorry buddy, I don't swing that way, besides my lips are chapped. It was bath day around my parts.

Christina's pants: You'll keep that proposition between us?

Bentley: I won't tell a soul.

Bentley is a confirmed liar.

Posted by Moxie at 5:37 PM | Comments (8)

January 3, 2004

peace

Since I am incapable of writing anything that could possibly do justice to the life of my brilliant Grandfather I thought a simple post would be most respectful.

Moxie's Grandpa passed on January 3rd 2004.

He's in peace now.

May we all have that in our world.

Posted by Moxie at 3:30 AM

January 2, 2004

And then there was one

I'm good with a lot of unpleasant things -- like when a friend is going through a painful break-up or the cat vomits on my white couch -- but I am not good with illness and death.

My Mother called today and the tone of her "hello mox" foreshadowed the news; she's not expecting my Grandpa to make it another day. He's had more strokes than the doctors expected anyone could weather.

He is my last remaining genetic Grandparent (my adopted Grandma will be all I have left).

The most painful part is, I feel badly about not feeling worse.

I've hated to watch this capable, strong man become more and more helpless. He's been living without joy.

The last five years have drained him of his dignity -- he can no longer walk or read his encyclopedias -- or even comprehend what's happening around him. Pap wears depends and relies on a nurse to feed, bathe and care for him. He doesn't recognize his own children and grandchildren for which I can partially understand since there are more 20 of us.

The glimmer in his eye has long been gone, the Grandpap I knew and loved went away years ago. Who deserves to waste away on a hospital bed in a relative's spare room?

Life can be so cruel.

And so I sit here and wait for that dreaded "call".

Already I anticipate enduring the barbarous funeral ritual but through the tears in the back of my mind I will be relieved that he is finally at peace. Pap had a good long run and he was so very loved.

Posted by Moxie at 4:24 PM | Comments (22)

First two days

Many bitched and moaned about not having anything to do on New Year's Eve -- so I threw together a last minute gathering at Casa del Mox.

Ten people, lots of good stories (don't pee on Draino crystals if you want to know the sex of your baby), drunkenness and best of all no Wilson brothers (sorry Joanie).

Doing something last minute required me to make a dreaded run to the store at an inopportune time.

Wanna know how to run into more than one person you never, ever, EVER want to see again?

(Like this guy and this jackhole, neither of whom live within 3k miles of my neighborhood)

You don't? Luckily I have the answer: go to the store sweaty with mismatched clothing, greasy hair and a scowl on your bare face. If only I could figure out how to run into the people one DOES want to see -- I'd be a very rich lady.

The exclusive party turned my scowl into a smile until morning.

All and all, 2004 has been treating me well. Et vous?

Posted by Moxie at 2:21 AM | Comments (8)