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September 30, 2004

debate live blogging

#18 Kerry says "it wasn't a last resort" for the 500th time. #17 The Kerry daughters are looking around the room for Ben Affleck. #16 Kerry claims he has never waivered or wilted. I'm glad to see he is as disillusioned today as he was yesterday. #15 In a cave somewhere, Osama bin Laden gets wood over being mentioned by his pal John Kerry. #14 Bush has his blinking under control. #13 Kerry's right thumb, still not reporting for duty. #12 THK calls Kim Jong Il to thank him for his support of her hubby. #11 Teresa Heinz Kerry argues with Juanita over the menu for the Grand Diversion party in Iraq. Fois Gras or caviar? #10 Kerry still assumes Osama bin Laden is the only threat, the only front in the war on terror. Meanwhile, the Bush twins look around to see if that hunk Vincent Gallo is in the house. #9 Terry Kerry admires how her personal makeup artist was able to bring the John Kerry alert level down to yellow from orange. #8 Still no specifics from Kerry. But he assures us, he has a plan. #7 Lehrer asks Kerry for "specifics" -- I wonder if they have a laptop handy for Kerry. He'll obviously need to look it up. #6 John Kerry plugs his website instead of outlining his plan to win the war on terror. He allegedly has a plan -- you just have to go to the web site to hear about it. #5 President Bush is getting teary eyed talking about those who lost their lives in Iraq. John Kerry is humming Misty. #4 John Kerry's left eye still not reporting for duty. #3 Terry Kerry calls Juanita to make sure that the "Grand Diversion" is properly catered. #2 Bush scores with asking what Kerry will say to our allies, "please join us in Iraq for a grand diversion?" #1 Kerry's manicure looks good. Bush might have had the time to have a manicure himself, except that he was out visiting hurricane victims.

Posted by Moxie at 6:30 PM | Comments (34)

I need a nerd

Thought I'd take a break from politics and write about some new and exciting features I've discovered in Windows XP Professional and MS Office. You see, I was using a 4 year-old laptop running W2K Pro and it would crap out if I launched Photoshop. It would choke if I yawned and had Outlook, Internet Explorer and Word open at once. Like other users of Microshaft products, I enjoy computer freezes and constantly restarting my laptop. But having recently committed to simplifying my life, XP Pro was calling my name. Hence the upgrade. Everything was beautiful. I looked younger and thinner. The sun was shining. I could use my computer again. Then yesterday, after no apparent changes, Mr. Gates (the anti-christ) magically zapped some special features onto my poor machine. --> When I close Outlook, it automatically launches MS Word. Perfectly normal according to Steve H. --> All of my bookmarks took a lunch break from Internet Explorer and decided not to return. Access is denied when I try to add them or re-import my bookmark archive. --> Quick Launch, the place where you can click to see your desktop, or launch IE or Outlook is on permanent hiatus. And yes, according to settings - it's still there. Perhaps I am the only one who can't see them. Since Apple is the poster child for unwashed liberals, it may be time to give Linux a whirl. And people wonder why I prefer to date technology geeks. update: I don't mean to say conservatives don't get brainwashed by the pinko propaganda and use apple computers, I'm simply saying 9 out of 10 who DO also wear "Bush lied, people died" buttons. 8 out of 10 dance and sing in grassy quads in support of murdering babies. update 2: I appreciate the cheerleading for Macs, but having worked on one recently for my job, it's not an option. At first I was relieved, "oh a Powerbook -- I've heard good things about these." Then, I saw what Apple is really about. The list of technological problems was far greater than anything I've ever experienced with a PC.

Posted by Moxie at 12:54 PM | Comments (32)

September 28, 2004

Hollywood Premiere of Michael Moore Hates America

Michael Moore Hates America Premieres in Hollywood, Thursday, September 30, 2004

"Hollywood, Calif., September 22, 2004/PRNewswire/ The hotly anticipated documentary, “Michael Moore Hates America” will make its' Hollywood premiere on Thursday, September 30 at 8p.m. at the Writer's Guild of America theatre, with its red carpet rolled out to Hollywood's elite celebrities in support of uncensored media and freedom of speech in America." ... "[Victor] Elizalde is supportive of the documentary, and says "the movie will do to Michael Moore and Fahrenheit 9/11, what the bloggers have done to CBS and Dan Rather and America deserves to hear the truth." Ticket information available here. See you there?

Posted by Moxie at 2:09 PM | Comments (20)

john kerry's skin now reflecting terror alert level

Orange, or high. Too bad we aren't in "yellow" as that would be more appropriate for our chicken-livered friend. And we thought the botox was fun. update: perhaps he is Orange-american. Like so many girls here in Los Angeles who get the spray-on tans.

Posted by Moxie at 8:31 AM | Comments (12)

Let them wear fur!

And now for a few more reasons I loathe liberals... The other day I was asked to sign a petition in Beverly Hills. Should this initiative make it to the ballot it would call for furs sold in LA county to bear the following label. Paraphrased from memory: “This fur was constructed of animals that may have been slaughtered by one (or more) of the following methods; shooting, gassing, clubbing, genital electrocution or simply shamed to death by knowledge they’d become a furry shawl.” God help anyone who dares wear anything furry (besides a liberal’s naturally grown back hair, of course). Is it any wonder that these same "activists" were all wearing Kerry/Edwards buttons? Killing a helpless animal is wrong but it’s okay to starve a helpless woman to death or vacuum the brains out of a helpless baby. {liberal playbook pg. 1,297} Living in liberal Los Angeles is stranger than fiction.

Posted by Moxie at 2:04 AM | Comments (38)

September 24, 2004

educating the professor

Every now and again I leave the confines of the Moxtopia pool for the one at a local hotel. Leaving the safety of the "liberal-free zone" and interacting with the vast unwashed residents and visitors of Los Angeles is good for the soul.

The other day I met a very charming older man and his wife. He was a local professor of some sort and the topic turned to one of my favorites.

Professor: Dick Cheney is a dirty dawg, profiting off his use of Halliburton in Iraq.

{liberal professor is frothing at the mouth, being a compassionate conservative I offer him a towel}

Moxie: Actually, he donates his Halliburton profits to charity. Even though he has no influence over the contracts issued.*

Professor: I'm sure the minute he is out of office that will discontinue

Moxie: Perhaps after his next four years are up, he'll eventually feel okay about taking what is owed to him from before he entered office.

Professor: So you don't have a problem with the no-bid contracts?

Moxie: Did you have a problem with Clinton's no-bid contracts to Halliburton?

Professor: I didn't know about them.

Moxie: In the Balkans?

Professor: Clinton used Halliburton?

Moxie: Yeah. And I look at Halliburton the way I look at Microsoft and its Windows operating system. Sure -- it sucks that Microsoft receives the majority of the business. But there aren't many companies who can do what they do on that scale.

Professor: Apple.

Moxie: And Linux. But business and government tend to choose the company best suited to handle the deal.

Professor: True, I see your point. But I still hate Bush and Cheney.

Moxie: That's a great thing about this country. You can hate whomever you want. Do you truly like and trust John Kerry?

Professor: We have to go now.

Moxie: of course you do. It was really nice having a civil conversation about politics.

Professor: yeah.

Yet another liberal who can't handle the facts.

* Vice President Cheney’s Income From Halliburton Is Fixed Portion Of Money Owed From 1999, Not Based On Current Contracts Or Investments. Cheney sold most of his Halliburton shares when he left the company, but retained stock options worth about $8 million. Cheney arranged for the profits to be donated to charity, placed the options in a charitable trust, and relinquished control.

Posted by Moxie at 4:08 PM | Comments (51)

September 20, 2004

Termajesty

Lest they think someone, anyone forgot.

I'm not posting again until that scumbag Terry Kerry releases her tax returns*.

* or until THK orders one of her servants to polish her pocket change and then demand that savage gets back to corn-rowing the royal hair on her back.

{this post written in the spirit of one of my favorite blogs, protein wisdom}

___

update: Consuela just got a call from one of the Kerry's servants dedicated to braiding TKH's back hair. They are hard at work. I have to post again within 15 hours or CBS will release a "false but accurate" picture of my cleavage.

Posted by Moxie at 11:33 PM | Comments (28)

September 18, 2004

Q&A

A coward calling herself "Anna Davis" emailed me some questions to answer. Since it's late and these are easy here goes... Q. Who taught you to be so closed-minded? A. In no particular order; Bill Clinton, Al Gore, John Kerry and Helen Thomas. Q. Do you have a bit of soul in there? Besides a possible liking for James Brown, that is. A. I think what you really wanted to ask about was my ethnicity. No soul here. When my black roots emancipate themselves I hire a hair colorist for a touch up. Q. Are you really a fat old man writing under a pretty blonde identity? A. Yes with an addendum. I'm really a drunk, fat, bald old man writing under the guise of a blonde identity. Ask my handsome husband Tony. Q. Partisan politics aside, why are you so racist and why do you stereotype so much? A. Pardon me young lady, but you seem to be the one talking about race and stereotyping ME. Q. Why does inciting anger in people get you off? A. Get off? Don't flatter yourself hon. If I incite anger in you, my pinky finger may feel a slight tingle at best. And only if my houseboy has served me a particularly strong margarita. Perhaps the better question is why someone who is conservative incites anger in you.

Posted by Moxie at 1:51 AM | Comments (52)

September 17, 2004

the boastful coward

One of my friends likes to tell us about his former neighbor who named her two children Syphilis and Gonorrhea (mispronounced as "sif FALL us" and "gone NOOR- E ah"). She saw the names somewhere and thought they sounded pretty. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure she saw those "names" on her STD test results. Perhaps in some parts of the country it's charming to name your children after the diseases their fathers passed on to you. "Chlamydia, be nice to your brother. Hepatitis B is trying to do his homework!" Well, at least it's more honest than Dan Ra^ther. In naming our kids, pets, cars or (in that other America), yachts -- the names we choose usually reflect our personalities. Sometimes inadvertently. Thanks to Vik at the Big Picture, I learned John Kerry named his $150,000+ yacht "Scaramouche." Which of course is "A stock character in commedia dell’arte and pantomime, depicted as a boastful coward or buffoon." How apropos of John Kerry especially as he choose the French spelling. {Pictures of the boastful coward here and a gallery of the buffoon here.}

Posted by Moxie at 6:09 AM | Comments (20)

September 16, 2004

ter-RAZE-ah

The gift that keeps on giving. With all the forgery-gate talk and hurricanes in the blogosphere -- I didn't want this little gem to get buried.

"Clothing is wonderful, but let them go naked for a while, at least the kids"

Let them go naked? This was Teresa Heinz Kerry's advice at a hurricane relief center for the Caribbean. I suppose someone like the ketchup prima-dona assumes kids in the Caribbean run around naked anyway. Savages! Do shoes fall into the realm of clothing in her world? While I'm no expert, being shoe-less amidst hurricane debris doesn't seem safe. The thought of a future first lady, who could double as an activities director at a children's nudist camp makes me shudder. Then again, this inability to provide "those people" with things they need echoes John Kerry's lackluster Senate record. I seem to recall Kerry voting for the war and then voting against sending our soldiers the required supplies. Send them to Iraq, but let them go naked for a while. The one-track-mind theme runs through to his campaign, where he can only talk about military service. Did you know he was in Cambodia Vietnam? Thinking and planning for the future is wonderful, but let's focus on things that happened over 30 years ago for a while. Many have wondered who is running Kerry's campaign. Perhaps Teresa's dollars aren't her only contribution.

Posted by Moxie at 12:16 PM | Comments (32)

September 10, 2004

Oh Danny boy

the facts, the facts are calling... Yes, yes, yes. Everyone in the right minded world is all over it. This is even more fun than Sandy Berger's stuffed pants. While I was sipping margaritas by the pool yesterday with the local VRWC chapter all kinds of wonderful things were happening. I hate Dan Rather's everyday "I'm kinda like a journalist, except I'm a Democratic shill" face almost as much as I hated Ron Reagan Jr's smirk at his father's funeral. Nothing makes me giddier than when the "digital brown shirts" can do something the MSM (CBS, et al) can't bring themselves to do. And that would be the unspeakable fact checking of the unwashed lib-shirts. The MSM gets an anti Bush story lead, begin frothing at the mouth and run straight ahead without fact checking. Even if that means discrediting themselves as journalists, and speeding blindly right off a cliff. On the other hand, any anti Kerry story is patently false. Any evidence presented to support those claims is dismissed. My mind is made up. Those negative Bush National Guard documents are about as real as Tammy Faye's eyelashes. It's a crying shame (for libs) that Dan can never again end his broadcasts with the word "courage" as he clearly has none.

Posted by Moxie at 12:33 AM | Comments (70)

September 7, 2004

liberty film festival

"america's first
conservative
Film festival

right before
the election

right in the
heart of hollywood

& there's nothing
michael moore
can do
about it."

It's been a long time since I've had the urge to pimp a local Los Angeles event.

And the fact that it involves film, Hollywood AND conservatives makes me feel like I'm doing god's work. Funny coming from an atheist, I know.

Even if you aren't local, check out the web site, send them a few bucks and gaze at the fantastic lineup of films, special guests and conservative Hollywood goodness.

Every buck you donate will make Michael Moore cry.

Posted by Moxie at 6:00 AM | Comments (38)

September 4, 2004

have you hugged a terrorist today?

When you hear sensitive, gentle things such as, "If a child utters even a sound, we'll kill another one" -- don't you want to french kiss these guys and usher them into the U.N. greenroom to have a cup of tea and a watercress finger sandwich with Kofi Annan? Don't you want to cast your vote for the unambiguously gay duo who thinks they can:

"fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on terror"

Because these terrorists are clearly maudlin when it comes to matters of the heart and innocent children. I am left scratching my head, wondering why anyone with one working brain cell left would even vaguely consider voting for the Tidy Bowl Men. Russia played the pacifist card in this last war. They even sold arms to the Islamofascist enemies. So why oh why are they not immune to terrorism? This dumb blonde is confused. Dumbfounded. John Kerry would like all you libshits to believe we'll have a free pass from terrorism if he's elected. Anyone who believes that is dead wrong. Sadly, those who disagree with the left will also be dead. Like those children in Russia. I suppose someone within the DNC is trying to spin the last three Russian terrorist attacks and blame it on Karl Rove, the US economy, the US education and healthcare systems. Well, why not? They are grasping at straws...in an age when it's uncouth to drink box wine through straws. Sorry Ted Kennedy. Personally, I'd like to help out the Kerry campaign dog waggers, because I feel so sorry for them. On that note let's invoke and distort the journalistic stylings of Maureen Dowd -- in Kerryland, we'll say anything to get elected. Even when it's wrong.

Posted by Moxie at 7:12 AM | Comments (42)

September 3, 2004

what's that smell?

The stench of desperation. The tidy bowl men's midnight madness speech was not only in bad form but it places them one flush from a Dean-style Yeeeeaaaaggghhhh. Of course that's just my not-so-humble opinion. And I have been wrong before. My prediction for a seven point bounce for instance. Turns out it's looking much higher. The thing I found most interesting of the Johns sweaty, overly-defensive speech was this focus on domestic issues and their insistance that military service is paramount to being a good President. Slick Willy bypassed (pun intended) serving in our military, but that was just fine by them. And some how Kerry thinks that 4 months cruising around in a river boat (making home movies of faux battles) trumps almost four years of being the Commander in Chief of the world's greatest military. Not to mention leading them through 2 wars and liberating millions. Slick Willy's unemployment numbers were a tad higher than Bush's "atrocious" unemployment numbers are today. But back then the trouser serpent was lauded. The Dems shameless double standards are getting tedious. I'm not suggesting that domestic issues aren't important but if we could ask the 3,000 people who perished in the attacks of 9-11 what they think the most important issue to consider when heading to the voting booth -- do you think they'd say education, higher taxes, job creation or social services? Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it. And those things don't matter if we're all dead. Fortunately, the Kerry campaign seems to be dying. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Posted by Moxie at 4:06 PM | Comments (22)

September 2, 2004

Seven point bounce

Bush hit a home run tonight. Not only did he hit it out of the ballpark but out of the continental US. Right now some small child is picking up pieces of confetti in Iraq. A few balloons are floating into an Afghan schoolyard.

Posted by Moxie at 8:37 PM | Comments (51)

September 1, 2004

A ZellStorm hits NYC

I’m really sad. All these months of planning with the VRWC on how to steal the election and all it took was a very smart and well spoken Senator from Georgia. A Democratic Senator. Here in the land of the right-minded we call him Zell Miller. No relation to Dennis Miller, but equally sharp. Don’t tell anyone but I think I had an orgasm simply by watching the speech. Also taking down the Flip flopper in the past two days -- a Governator from a Blue state. And a former mayor of NYC – home to countless body-odor ridden, pot smoking “postmodern progressives.” You do the math. If John Kerry is in one of his two Americas tomorrow, perhaps he’ll see fit to give a concession speech in one if not both. The gig is up. *** Also, support capitalism (even though the site is despicable), watch the ad and read this. Steve points out the winner here. *** Last but not least -- a huge thank you and a great big hug to the folks at Jersey GOP.

Posted by Moxie at 8:45 PM | Comments (37)