« October 2004 | Main | December 2004 »
November 29, 2004
giving thanks
I hope all of you had a lovely Thanksgiving. Here at the Moxtopia compound I went out turkey hunting -- caught and cooked our own bird. My hygienically challenged lefty neighbors had tofurkey, so we pulled out the fan just to be sure the aromas from my oven wafted over to their window.
We prayed to our lord, George W. Bush and thanked him for all the year-end treats.
Honestly, I wake up every day and it feels like a very VRWC Christmas. First the re-election, then Martha Stewart smuggling eggs in her bra, finding out Maureen Dowd's family talks about how brilliant Ann Coulter is and of course Dan Rather's "retirement".
On a different topic, my eyes have been bleeding. No thanks to Jace "pickled" Herring of Bloghosts who for over two months has refused to reset my cPanel password. Not unless I tell him where I live. No joke.
Certainly sending a password for moxie.nu to my email address, which is a moxie.nu address is too dangerous! Without that password, there was no simple way to transfer my four years worth of goods to the new server.
So here we are. I installed MovableType and exported my old entries, of course there are loads of problems. The permalinks for individual entries are different now -- don't ask me why. The formatting didn't transfer.
A friend who has been reading Moxie almost from the begining was kind enough to download all my photos and files and send them in a zip file. Haven't had the time to reinstall the Gallery application.
Things are kind of rough around here but I will be transfering the domain tonight. I have no idea how long that will take and there may be periods of time where the web site is not available.
In the meanwhile, feel free to leave comments and tell me what's not working.
Back to the regularly scheduled liberal bashing tomorrow.
Posted by Moxie at 6:21 PM | Comments (25)
November 21, 2004
target
You can't massage the Salvation Army there this holiday season. But you CAN buy this book.
Not the family friendly "target" you were expecting...
UPDATE: link above has disappeared, but the search still yields results.
Posted by Moxie at 1:01 AM | Comments (3)
November 19, 2004
Thanks Slick Willy, you are the best!
There are a lot of moveon.org re-grouping parties going on in LA this weekend. Pop a pill and curse the 51% of America that has a conscience, not to mention common sense.
I truly wish I had the gumption to go to one (undercover, of course). No scratch that – I wish I’d be able to contain my maniacal laughter as they plot to spread immorality to rid themselves of a Jesusland President who clearly loves both his wife and this country’s freedom.
They will inhale from the bong and speak longingly of the 8 years when Bill Clinton was in the oval office. You know -- the halcyon days when the President of the United States spent time on national security by conducting thorough cavity searches on a plump young intern while encouraging the growth of one free-range organic Osama bin Laden.
The Moveon.org crowd will get all maudlin recalling Slick Willy’s great courage to soil a perfectly good blue dress while “not” receiving sexual favors from that woman during phone calls with foreign leaders.
To the unwashed mental midgets, Bill Clinton (like Michael Moore) has been branded a great American Patriot for telling boldfaced lies. Slick Willy gets an extra gold star for telling his lies under oath.
Wake up conservatives!! This is what America should really be about!
Philandering Presidents
Lying under oath
Demonizing god
Neutralizing morality
Ignoring terrorists
Racism
Buy one, get one free abortions
Quadruple gastric bypass on McDonald’s dime
No wonder those godless liberals love the Clintons so much.
Speaking of Slick Willy, I caught a few minutes of the douchebag’s speech at the opening of his porn library. He said the Clinton library was important because it represented how public service is a noble endeavor. Noble? Not in his case.
After spending some time this evening re-reading articles about Clinton’s impeachment, I reflected on the embarrassment it caused our country as a whole. It made me wonder – how much of Clinton’s behavior led directly to President Bush’s election and reelection?
If Slick Willy's legacy doesn’t make you want to turn to the right, I don’t know what would.
Posted by Moxie at 5:45 AM | Comments (18)
November 18, 2004
does condi want a cracker?
Yesterday, or the day before (who can keep track as the VRWC election celebrations rage on) I started drafting an entry about how a liberal Democrat I spoke to didn’t like Dr. Condoleezza Rice because “she’s not really black.”
Of course this was fascinating to me and not only because I adore Condoleezza Rice.
Maybe there was something I didn’t know. Does she wear blackface? Is the story about her upbringing in segregated Alabama pure fiction? Is her human appearance a facade and at night she morphs into a parrot who lives on Bush's arm?
Likewise, according to that liberal man, Colin Powell isn’t really black either. Nor any Republican of color who’s smarter than your average liberal (which excludes almost all of conservative America, regardless of color -- my cat is smarter than the average libshit).
“How about Bill Cosby,” I asked, changing gears a bit.
“Nope. Not really black either.”
See the trend?
Lucky for me, Mr. Liberal set me straight. Condi isn’t black because she’s highly educated. Don’t you feel enlightened? I do too.
Tonight on Hannity and Colmes, Ann Coulter had the guts to unapologetically say what many on the right have been thinking; Liberals are racist.
In particular they seem to have problems with African American women, unless we’re talking about Betty Currie, who was also a secretary. Bill Clinton’s personal secretary.
Ann said it almost a dozen times. Liberals are racist. Liberals are racist. Liberals are racist. And each time she did -- this girl cheered.
Here’s a question that begs to be answered: to an “open minded” liberal, WHO IS truly black?
The answer is nothing less than shocking. For a liberal to be convinced of one's African American-ness, he or she must be po' and/or vote for Democrats, it's that simple.
No really, I asked the guy who thought Condi Rice wasn’t really black. Mr. Liberal took it even further as he dared to suggest Republicans do nothing for African Americans.
Call me crazy but the late Senator John Heinz (R) did a hell of a lot for a prominent self-described African American. You may have heard of her, she’s a wide-load witch who goes by the name of Teresa Heinz Kerry. It's a crying shame I didn't think to ask Mr. Liberal about THK. Blame it on the gin and tonics.
Is there any end to liberal intolerance? They’ve called 51% of America stupid. They have insulted Christians. They have expressed disdain for those who have morals and values (not to mention JOBS). They’ve stated stay at home Moms don’t have “real jobs,” and now they’ve declared a brilliant American woman a parrot, a puppet, anything but what she is; an accomplished, educated, awe-inspiring woman who happens to be black.
Who is going to vote for these liberal clowns in the next major election -- is there a group they haven’t alienated yet?
Oh yes, the undecided deaf/mute albino midgets. Good luck with that.
Posted by Moxie at 12:52 AM | Comments (40)
November 17, 2004
what are they smoking?
Post election, it almost seems unfair to poke fun at the losers dejected liberals, however the mind-altered citizens of Berkeley, California (the patchouli capital of the world) are always fair game.
In Berkeley, they are spending over 50k a year to deep freeze abandoned belongings of the local homeless intellectuals. VRWC members -- read the whole thing. I dare you not to laugh until you cry.
But wait! Cryogenically freezing trash is not the only service being offered. Oh no, no no!
Another fifty thousand dollars a year is spent to provide the homeless with free storage space. The drunk on the corner no longer has to worry about losing those moldy shoes he pulled out of the dumpster while he goes to court for public intoxication and hygienic indecency. Oh wait, I forgot – we’re talking about Berkeley where hygienic indecency is a way of life.
Simmer down – you guessed it – there’s even more….
In the Patchouli Capital they also spend $100,000 annually so that two aging hippies can clean up after what must be nothing less than Berkeley’s own stinkin’ royalty. I’m no mathematician, but I’d guess those two people are making somewhere near 40-50k a year to corral stolen shopping carts filled with clothes that haven’t been washed since the 60’s.
With all the money spent, between the 8k for the container, 61k for the property, 100k for the homeless intellectual nannies, the 50k for storage units -- a Republican in Jesusland could have started a job training service. Or at least a cheap walk-through shower. Cleanliness is next to Godliness!
What’s next in that homeless wonderland ? A turn-down service wherein a French maid will arrive at your cardboard box, turn down your bed and leave a fresh mint on your pillow?
Silly me, I thought the Democrats didn’t do anything to "help" the poor.
Posted by Moxie at 2:49 PM | Comments (14)
November 16, 2004
photoblogging
It's been a while since I've done any photoblogging. Here is a hummingbird complete with nest that I spotted in the compound courtyard this morning.
Posted by Moxie at 12:48 PM
November 15, 2004
in support of blogs
Reading other blogs is often an educational and enjoyable experience. For instance, imagine my surprise and delight in discovering via Pamibe that my hosting company is going belly up!
Steve H. says that's like someone breaking up with you via answering machine. Someone else's answering machine. He suggests I start eating chocolate immediately.
Any recommendations for hosting companies out there? Besides Hosting Matters, which I have used in the past....
UPDATE: I have decided to go with Total Choice Hosting. Many thanks to all of you who suggested it!
Comments will remain off until I am completely moved to the new server.
Posted by Moxie at 12:36 PM | Comments (18)
November 9, 2004
Visiting Jesusland: a LeftyPlanet guidebook
Jesusland, also known as the United Lands of Jesus, can be a wonderful place to warm your proverbial soul Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.
Liberals who would like to explore nearby Jesusland are welcome; however, much as you would before visiting a new country it is important for the godless and immoral to become familiar with the customs and ways of the right wing wackos.
Country Description:
The citizens of Jesusland, known as "Conservatives" are generally a peaceful and industrious people. They pay low taxes, have a President that terrorists fear and shockingly their government thinks those Jesus-freaks who earned their own money (all of them!) know best how to spend it.
While the citizens of Jesusland may seem loving and accepting of your wanton ways, keep in mind these folks are a nation of riflemen. And women. (Sorry, misandrists! No womyn allowed!)
Speaking of women -- the female Conservatives are rumored to be the finest women around.
In stark contrast to those who are liberal, or liberaltarians -- the women of the right bathe regularly, sometimes more than once a day! In addition to smelling nice, the female citizens often wear makeup and will grant you the privilege of opening a door for them. Women in Jesusland shave and/or wax and patchouli is considered (by both sexes) to be a weapon of mass destruction.
Entry/exit Requirements:
No passport is required to enter Jesusland however you must be wearing a St. Christopher medal, a vial of holy water, and be equipped with an Ann Coulter book or picture of Karl Rove (wallet size is fine). If you lack any of these items and need to cross the border, saying the Lord's Prayer while going through security checkpoints will suffice. if you don't know the Lord's Prayer -- which is safe to assume -- learn it. In Jesusland you will actually be required to pray before you eat!
No vaccines or health certificates are required to enter Jesusland. But not to worry, there are no outbreaks of trouser rash, or oozing syphilitic sores in Jesusland-genitals as everyone waits until marriage before having sex.
Whatever you do -- do not expect to pick up women at the bar around closing time. Joy in Jesusland is found among values, morals and JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, not between a hairy feminist's legs.
Safety and Security:
Unless you are Bill or Hilary Clinton, lefties visiting the western holy land will be safe. Crime, drugs and homosexuals (except Dick Cheney's daughter, who is a lesbian) are all non-existent in God's country.
Should you find yourself in an immoral bind, there is a Libshit Embassy in every state of Jesusland. At the Embassy, you can find clean needles, welfare checks, imported hookers, butt-pirates, apple cider enemas, herbs, food stamps, socialized medicine and other liberal entitlements.
If you are a billionaire limousine liberal and pay less than 12% federal taxes (or are named Teresa Heinz Kerry), please request the Embassy concierge who can provide whatever your rich, wide ass wants. Free of charge.
Medical Facilities and Other Health Information:
Medical care is excellent in Jesusland. However, if you are in your eight month of pregnancy and plan to prematurely harvest your uterus while on vacation, please note -- these lunatics actually refuse to kill babies.
Likewise, if you are seeking embryonic stem cell cures, those are not available in the Lord Almighty's land. Embryonic stem cells come from dead babies. Unlike the United States of Canada, babies in Jesusland have MORE rights than animals. Someday these savages will learn!
Traffic and Road Conditions:
They drive on the RIGHT. Be prepared to yield RIGHT of way, RIGHT to life, the RIGHT to bear firearms and the RIGHT to kill for oil.
That's right, Jesusland is all about oil, so be sure to rent a large vehicle to avoid getting stuck in the undercarriage of one of their 18-wheeler "family" cars.
Think of it this way -- sure you will temporarily abandon your Prius -- but you can have your picture taken behind the wheel of a gigantic truck. Family and friends will marvel. "Look!" you will say, "That speck behind the wheel? That's me in Jesusland!"
Please, enjoy yourself while visiting Jesusland. And remember -- even James Carville is suggesting the left be "born again."
Posted by Moxie at 2:02 AM | Comments (73)
November 8, 2004
pollution via automobile
Folks, I work from home most days. On Mondays and Tuesdays I am forced to move my car for street cleaning.
There are a few choices to avoid a 40 dollar ticket:
1) You are parked on the right side of the street but have been there for more than 72 hours. The LA parking Nazi's don't like that and can ticket you. So you move the car. See #2-4.
2) Move the car to a non-parking permit spot on the correct side of the street. As if that were a remote possibility.
3) Move the car to a parking permit spot on the correct side of the street, and move it 2 hours later. Fine.
3) a: Move the car to a parking permit spot on the correct side of the street until 3 and then start up the engine and drive around trying to find a non-parking permit spot; only to find all the Minivan "not in my name" mothers have utilized while waiting for little Abraham to get out of school. Which leads to 3b.
b: Follow above and then through force of neccesity, move car to another permit parking spot for another 2 hours until above mentioned mini-van moms pick up their little brats.
4) Or like today, you do ALL of the above and then encounter assholes who are trying to park on side streets while going to the movies, restaurants or bars.
If this makes no sense whatsoever, join the club. Welcome to my life.
I am quite sure I have significantly contributed to global warming, but only through the f'ing bullshit that is the Los Angeles parking and street cleaning system.
Why don't we get all those welfare crack ho's and other social service using misfits to walk around and pick up trash from the residential streets for a fee? I've seen what the magic street cleaning machine does. Nothing.
I am off again, to move my car. Please denizens of Jesusland. Pray for me and Mother Earth.
Posted by Moxie at 5:07 PM | Comments (12)
A Big Lebowski Quote Adapted for Sore Losers everywhere
"I cannot solve your problems godless liberals, only you can.
oh Jesusland, yes that's your answer! That's your answer to everything. Tattoo it on your unwashed forehead.
Your revolution is over, Mr Liberal. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice to you is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lefties? The bums will always lose!" **
Posted by Moxie at 1:43 PM | Comments (10)
The Jesusland Constitutional amendments
via LGF by way of the pearly-gates.
So you are here and maybe like me -- an atheist who voted for Bush and is now pejoratively called a card-holding member of Jesusland.
For those of you who don't believe in the big man in the sky, but still think killing babies is bad and killing terrorists is good -- I've laid out some of what I've learned about the Jesusland constitutional amendments -- simply to make the next four years of your stay here more enjoyable.
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, or of the Marxist press; or the right of the unwashed liberals living in Jesusland to peaceably assemble (block a Boulevard for hours in order to protest the eating of meat), or for the pajama brigade to petition for a redress of grievances (i.e., Dan Rather, Michael Moore and Kitty Kelley).
Amendment II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. Not even by the lunatic fringe of the left. If those in the neighboring United States of Canada protest, they are free to move further north or purchase bulletproof "I'm anti everything" buttons.
Amendment III
Women shall have the right to vote, the right to own makeup, razors or waxing equipment. Congress may vote to expell from Jesusland any woman who chooses to expose her leg or underarm hair, or forego a shower for more than two days.
Amendment IV:
The citizens of Jesusland will worship (or pretend to worship) the ghost of a jew from the Roman Empire. Literally just make the shit up and call it a church. While there is no headquarters for Jesusland, all of its subjects do march at the command of the RNC and Karl Rove.
Amendment XIV
Section 3.
No flipflopping trouser dumpling Vietnam Vet, nor unborn baby channeling trial lawyer shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President, or hold any office, civil, fast food or military, in Jesusland, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of Jesusland, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of Jesusland, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies (Vietnam) in any French city.
Amendment XXVIII
Every time a citizen of Jesusland prays, a liberal cries. Pray often.
Posted by Moxie at 12:49 PM | Comments (11)
November 6, 2004
4th blog anniversary and other notes
With all the tension and excitement of the election I missed noticing/mentioning that my blog turned four years old on October 29th. So many of you have been here much of that time and feel like old friends. I've received a lot of email the last few months and due to time constraints I haven't answered most of it. For that I apologize. One question that comes up a lot is whether I will get back to writing more social commentary, stories about life in Los Angeles or whatnot. The answer to that is yes. probably. maybe. definitely not. In other words, I really don't know. Since I have always been a fat, bald Republican man, and now "stupid" not to mention an "Evangelical Christian" for voting Bush -- I suggest everyone lower their expectations and let's see what the lord tells me to do. If my religious zealotry leads me to speak in tongues, you all will be the first to know.Posted by Moxie at 11:34 AM | Comments (27)
November 4, 2004
party at the compound
The Republicans-only election night party at the Moxtopia compound lasted 25 hours. With a redux going on tonight.
Things really picked up Wednesday morning after word leaked of Kerry's phone call to the White House. We popped open a few bottles of champagne and toasted George W. Bush. And flushed two of the johns in the west wing of the compound.
A minor fight broke out over who was next to cuddle with my life-sized Dick Cheney doll.
I'm not above gloating; however I'm experiencing this overwhelming happiness which makes finding the proper words to express myself an exercise in futility.
Or perhaps it's more directly related to the two hours of sleep I've had since Tuesday morning.
For those unwashed liberals who are unhappy with the election and taking it out on me and other conservatives via comments -- my advice is simple -- grow the f*** up. There is nothing uglier than a sore loser.
I pay for this site and therefore I may edit and/or delete anything that is profane, off topic, rude to the hostess, fellow VRWC commenters, etc.
Many of you trolls should notice that link you click on says, "comments" and not "debate Moxie". I possess neither the time nor the desire to respond to every libshit moonbat who writes intellectual comments such as "Bush sux" or "My friend HAD to have a few abortions."
I simply don't care. You are defective. And your little friend too.
Contrary to popular belief, the deletion of your tripe is NOT a first amendment violation.
I am not the government and I have every right to kick your hairy asses out of here, just as in real life I have the right to ask someone to leave my compound if they are insulting to me or my guests.
As it stands, I very rarely visit liberal political websites. Had our fearless leader lost, I would not be trolling liberal blogs leaving nasty-grams.
It's called maturity, you on the left should try it some time.
Now, back to the celebration.
Posted by Moxie at 11:20 PM | Comments (52)
November 3, 2004
I love President Bush
While I am nothing short of giddy, there are others out there who aren't doing so well.
Katie Couric and Julie Chen wore all black on the air this morning.
Michael Moore is so upset he's refusing to eat (fear not, he is still fat).
George Soros is curled up in fetal position, on a street corner.
I guess what makes this such a great victory -- other than the fact my guy won -- is that I am comforted to know 51% of Americans are sane.
Living here in Hollywood, it's easy to forget.
Posted by Moxie at 1:16 PM | Comments (81)
November 2, 2004
Election Day Humor
The "I am a Liberal" video has been released.
Posted by Moxie at 1:59 PM | Comments (106)
long lines at the polls?
I don't know what all the hoopla is about. I've voted three times today and didn't have much of a wait at any polling place.
Posted by Moxie at 12:15 PM | Comments (9)
supressing the vote
Folks, I will most likely NOT be live blogging the election. Yes. I know how disappointing that is, given my frequent and lengthy updates in the recent past.
Aside from my basic duty of earning a living so crack ho's in Hollywood can squeeze out more kids and continue doing drugs without the inconvenience of having a job, I have an even grander responsibility to tend to.
Supressing the vote.
I'll be out there wrestling black folks to the ground and making citizen's arrests. Because some dark skinned hooligan robbed my Aunt Fanny years ago and he too was sporting cornrows and FUBU jeans featuring an embroidered picture of the Fat Albert character "Mush Mouth".
I'll be chewing up and swallowing the ballots of movie studio moonbats wearing Kerry/Edwards t-shirts. My cohort will be luring the non-t-shirt wearing studio execs into the alley for some free "casting couch" action.
For Michael "feed my maw" Moore, by 7 AM I'll have fed him a pallet of sheet cakes made with iron filings and then trap him with a giant magnet. Miles from his polling place.
I will also be in the nursing homes "helping" all the depends-wearing elderly DemoRats vote (Republican). When they talk about how they identify with John Kerry because he can't remember his last opinion, I can reply with, "you already told me how much you love Bush -- check this box."
I will use my great height to intimidate the little people. Look for the GOP midget tossing booth at a polling place near you.
For the youth MTV rock the vote crowd -- I'll be luring the brainwashed boob-tube unedumacated to an undisclosed location under the pretense that they may vote without waiting in line. Instead the nitwits will be forced to listen to christian rock, biblical hypnosis and be treated to a futuristic view of their paychecks....one under Kerry and the other under Bush.
In the Rovian spirit of voter supression, GOP operatives are infilitrating gay sex clubs and commandering the other side of the ever popular "gloryholes". Ed Gillespie's chomping bits have been trained to hold on for dear life with implicit understanding that a few less votes from the friends of dorothy can make the difference.
The hamsters will be released shortly thereafter.
Posted by Moxie at 12:05 AM | Comments (26)
November 1, 2004
John Edwards' Lip Wart Speaks
Hint, the wart is excited and comforted by Bush and his talk about stimulation for growths.
Posted by Moxie at 10:00 PM
vast liberal hypocrisy
I've spent a lot of time trying to determine if there is any way I could take pleasure in a Kerry victory.
Obviously, four years of the First Bovine (Teresa Heinz Kerry) would provide much fodder for comedy. But I wanted something more significant. Something that would expose the vast liberal hypocrisy.
Fortunately after about 6 months of thinking -- I've found one --
if Bush were to win the popular vote, but lose in the electoral college. This has become a distinct possibility thanks to Dems registering the likes of Mary Poppins and dead folks in battleground states.
Why in baby Jesus' name would I enjoy a Bush loss in the electoral college? For the same reason every other intelligent person (conservative) would....
While most on the right are more mature than our liberal counterparts, I for one will take great pride in reminding them, as they celebrate, that four years ago they were completely against the electoral college.
Remember? It was outdated.
Remember who threw tantrums because a dead baby channeled his thoughts to John Edward's bloodless heart and said the President should be the man who gets the majority of the votes.
Remember how simple that was to the simple mind?
Oh how sweet that would be to remind them.
Posted by Moxie at 12:54 AM | Comments (18)
