« November 2004 | Main | January 2005 »

December 31, 2004

libzillas

Some of you might be wondering what a Libzilla is...technically, it's from the genus/species of libertine parentis, commonly found in Los Angeles.

More generally, it's a self-absorbed liberal Hollywood parent who failed to make it to the abortion clinic in the days before their due date. Faced with raising that "clump of cells" that managed to escape their uterus -- Libzillas don't do much in the way of parenting.

Their offspring, interestingly enough are call Liblets, not to be confused with giblets, or libshits.

The lucky liblets are shipped off to boarding school or raised by little brown nannies -- the delusional libzillas refer to the illegals as Au Pairs around their fancy Hollywood friends. The unlucky libkids go to public school and are forgotten.

Some of you may encounter wild Liblets and their Libzilla pseudo parental units. Jesus spoke to me in a dream last night and therefore I feel obligated to provide you with some guidance.

As I trust you are all regular readers and aware of the liberal set's tendency to worship the large American fatumentary-maker Michael Moore, we can safely skip that. It's also safe to skip mentioning the complete absence of logic and reason in Libzilla DNA.

There is something here in the Moxtopia compound that we call the 1 in 10 rule.

1 in 10 Liblets can speak something resembling proper English.
1 in 10 Liblets can spell. Sorta.
1 in 10 Liblets bathe regularly.
1 in 10 Liblets can identify their their parents.
1 in 10 Liblets call said parents Mom and fourth-step-Dad.
1 in 10 Liblets can do that funky new math.

There is also a 10 in 10 rule:

10 out of 10 liblets think it's better to test things out on PEOPLE rather than animals.

10 out of 10 liblets hate America (pledge of allegiance is bad, they wish death on our troops and think democracy is evil). And yet they can't walk and chew gum at the same time. Nor spell democracy.

10 out of 10 liblets think George W. Bush is satan, even though they aren't old enough to wipe their own asses, or figure out that the evil man offering candy wants to molest them.

Interestingly 10 out of 10 Liblets can identify gold-digging trophy-husband John Kerry as the messiah for the godless left. You may remember the website of a feral child born of a leftover 60's hippie. She's not alone.

Anyway around dinnertime I found a Liblet digging through my trash can. He felt entitled to a free meal, since his Mommy and Daddy were off working at the studios on the next big J Lo movie (heh). And his little brown "Au Pair" had to go home and take care of her own brood.

Obviously, I threw rocks at the liblet, only because I had had too much Cristal and couldn't muster the saliva to spit on him.

Maybe I really am pro-choice. Isn't it better these kids be aborted than subjected to the lifestyle of the Libzilla parent?

Posted by Moxie at 2:33 AM | Comments (18)

THE MAGNITUDE.........

How many is 140,000?

I've always been one who appreciates a visualization when people talk about huge numbers.

Click below and keep in mind that each X represents a person, a face, a life story ended. For most there are families who feel loss. In many cases, these X's are entire families who have been wiped out.

I pasted in 141,924 X's.

It's sobering.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X 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Posted by Moxie at 1:36 AM | Comments (55)

December 30, 2004

reminiscing ....

Click for more photos I took in South Thailand.

Posted by Moxie at 12:22 PM | Comments (5)

December 24, 2004

visions of sugar-shrums will dance in your head

Christmas is a red state holiday.

And let's be honest, for VRWC card carrying members, the last few months have been Christmas every day.

But now it's official so I am going all out this year on the Christmas, Bible thumping stuff, and what the left thinks of as nativity obscenities.

Red. red. red. RED.
Jesusland baby. Jesusland.
Oh and I love our military.

In fact, please note that baby Jesus is staying at MY compound this holiday season. There is room at this inn. Abort that, libshit.

Sure I'm an atheist, but it irritates my unwashed Kerry voting alimony paying neighbors to the point of Moxtopian orgasmic yet holy ROI. Donald Trump would build a skyscraper here on Melrose Place if he was aware of the political capital I have built up.

You need evidence on how Xmas was tailor-made for those of us in Jesusland? Just look at the Jesus-hating homeless intellectual on your left. Try not to throw rocks at him.

Then look to your right.

- We chop down *gasp* healthy pines to put in our livingrooms. I found a stinky liberal lurking in mine, he called himself Shaksukack and dances with buterflies. I call him dingdong and he now cleans my cat's litterbox with his tongue. For food stamps.

We string these "murdered" pine trees with lights (hello big electric companies) and adorn them with tacky ornaments made by shoeless, malnourished children in Indonesia.

- We slaughter poor, helpless animals so our illegal little brown maids can fix a lavish meal (those fat noxious gas-emitting cows and hogs have feelings too, you know). No, I meant the pork and beef.

- Santa wears...RED fur. PETA members get cow scrotums in their stockings this Xmas. Keep that under your Halliburton stock certificates, it's a secret.

- Two words. Baby Jesus (Liberals hate Christmas because the unmarried, virginal Mary didn't abort her "clump of cells").

Seriously, how inconvenient can it get -- being a virgin AND pregnant? What was she thinking? It's a simple procedure to them (though it will haunt them the rest of their lives) involving a vacuum and some sort of insertable hammer to crack the skull of the helpless baby.

- Conspicous consumption, or capitalism.

This is commonly known to the left as "materialism" as long as the buyer votes for Republicans. Otherwise it's limousine liberalism and perfectly okay as long as you are A) insane, B)hate George W. Bush, the right's modern saviour and C) think a whore's bath is a perfectly valid alternative to showering.

- And most of all Christmas is a damn good excuse to buy yet another rifle. Liberals piss themselves at the sight of one firearm (yet don't flinch at the sight of a hoover aimed at their cooch), so a collection of things that go BANG...well I'll leave that to your imagination.

But the vast unwashed should buy themselves some depends.

--> please go and give your love to my handsome hubby Tony. Sure he's a liberal, but he's one of the few good ones. And he's a Christian! Maybe we can save him.

Posted by Moxie at 2:42 AM | Comments (15)

December 23, 2004

Holiday Reruns: VRWC - a day in the life

We've been pretty busy around here. And of course when I say "we" I mean me. I received this email yesterday and would like to answer it publicly:

Moxie,

What is a typical day like for a VRWC lunatic like yourself?

Cheers,
B.L.

I'm so glad he asked:

12 noon:
Wake up, promptly kick Owen Wilson out of my house. While reading Drudge, think about new ways to screw the poor.

12:15 PM:
Have my gay houseboy serve me lunch by the pool. Pull out my pocket bible and begin talking about god and salvation. Tell him that gay people make baby jesus cry.

12:55 PM:
Pour myself a white russian, do a line of coke off Karl Rove's ass and then prank call Al Franken.

1:00 PM:
Count the wads of cash I have in my basement vault and think of new but inexpensive ways to flaunt my wealth.

2:12 PM:
Call the Bin Laden family in Saudi Arabia. Make jokes about how we knew about 9-11. Hell, we helped plan it!

3:00 PM:
Step outside and tell Mickey Kaus to stop stalking me and tell him I know he's really a Republican.

3:15 PM:
Think about all the places the VRWC would like to wage war next. Drool uncontrollably at the thought of war(s).

4:00 PM:
Get online. Buy twenty thousand dollars worth of electronics and think about calling President Bush to thank him for the tax cuts. And ask for more.

4:10 PM:
Write a snarky note to Al Gore instead, thanking him for inventing the internet.

5:30 PM:
Laugh at John Kerry and wonder if he likes waffles for breakfast. Plan how we are going to "steal" the next election as well.

6:00 PM:
My Mexican maid arrives and though she's 8 months pregnant has decided that she was raped by her brother and would like time off for a late term abortion.

6:05 PM:
I laugh manically and tell her soon she won't be able to take care of such matters at all. She will be forced to have babies even if she's going to die, or was raped. Because WE say so.

6:15 - 7:17 PM:
My driver gets me to an undisclosed location in the new Hummer. There the local chapter of the VRWC exchange info about Iraqi oil. And chuckle at how we didn't mean to encourage Democracy in the Middle East, or ensure the absence of WMD. Oil, baby, oil!

7:30 PM:
Back at the Moxtopia compound I clean, polish and french kiss my gun collection.

8:00 PM:
Take an evening stroll and spit on the homeless man who's sitting outside the gates to my compound. Only because I'm out of rocks to throw. Lecture him about working hard and saving money. Call him lazy and a waste of a precious human life.

9:15 PM:
Write a check to the Bush campaign. And tell him about my special interests.

9:30 PM:
Rush Limbaugh's maid brings over some drugs and I tell her how I'm so much better than everyone else.

10:00 PM:
Review geological surveys that indicate there might be oil underneath the forest at the back of my property.

10:15 PM:
Call tree-guy's cell phone, tell him to come chop them all down tomorrow. Become giddy at the thought of displacing bambi and destroying the environment.

It's not easy being a member of the VRWC, but I can handle it.

Posted by Moxie at 12:24 PM | Comments (9)

December 22, 2004

shrumming with the enemy

Steve has an interesting post up discussing the proper usage of the word shrum.

Personally, I thought it was the goo that lurks under the foreskin of an unwashed liberal. But fear not feminazi's -- you can have shrum too. Usually after a one night stand with a VD-infested rock star. He loves ya baby.

Posted by Moxie at 2:35 PM | Comments (7)

December 15, 2004

festivus post #15

Just made $10,000 to talk about blogging for 10 seconds on teevee. If any one wants to hit the tip jar it is to the right.

Posted by Moxie at 4:40 PM | Comments (16)

festivus post #14

Heh. Indeed.

Posted by Moxie at 4:33 PM | Comments (2)

festivus post #13

I may do some cat blogging later. Stay tuned.

Posted by Moxie at 4:29 PM

festivus post #12:

I am sitting in the green room at CNN right now. The Wifi is kicking hard.

Posted by Moxie at 4:27 PM | Comments (2)

festivus post #11:

I kinda quit, but not really. On second thought, the liberal media makes me SO MAD!

But I am still busy doing really important things. Secret things. Like the dirty things Helen Thomas hides in her nightable drawer.

Vote for me in the weblog awards.
Oh never mind.

Posted by Moxie at 11:14 AM | Comments (4)

festivus post #10:

Okay I am still too busy to post. I hope no one has died out there.
Oh and did I mention I quit?

Done.
Finito.
Buh-bye.

It's been fun.

Posted by Moxie at 10:13 AM | Comments (1)

festivus post #9:

Dan Rather isn't a journalist rather (pun intended) a partisan hack.
Me thinks he needs a liberal ice dong.

I will be doing very important things for the next hour. Things so important, you couldn't in a million years, understand. But please go read some poetry. No, YOU google poetry.

Blogging will be as light as Michael Moore's salad intake.

Posted by Moxie at 10:05 AM

festivus post #8:

BREAKING NEWS:
Must credit Moxie.nu

I retyped today's entry from Mickey Kaus's sanitized web log and determined it was in fact created 25 years ago on a selectric typewriter.

PS: this is BS
PPS: Doesn't Mickey know that being a liberal is SO 1999?
PPPS: I am going to pee now. Please stand by.
PPPPP:

Posted by Moxie at 9:47 AM

festivus post #7:

Hang on, i will be back shortly. Hold your horses.

Posted by Moxie at 9:45 AM | Comments (1)

festivus post #6:

Some random guy wrote something really good. F the link, go find it yourself.

So I am going to charge an arm and leg for ads and link him. Or not. He didn't vote for me in the weblog awards.

Because, to be quite frank, I can't actually produce any original content. But ain't I informative?

Posted by Moxie at 9:10 AM | Comments (1)

festivus post #5:

I am about to slip into my very sexy flannel pajamas. Blogging will resume shortly.

confused?

Posted by Moxie at 9:05 AM | Comments (2)

festivus post #4:

I am going to get lunch, I mean my pills a diet coke....and will not be posting for the next hour. I hope you can survive without me. I know it will be a challenge. Please don't cry.

Indeed.

Posted by Moxie at 8:39 AM | Comments (1)

festivus post #3:

Ted Rall is a douchebag.

Hang on, I'm about to eat a sandwich.

Then I will be outraged at the left.

confused? me too.

Posted by Moxie at 7:28 AM

Festivus post #2:

You may have voted blue, but were you aware that every day, you unknowingly help dump millions of dollars into the conservative warchest? Simply by buying products and services from companies which heavily donate to conservatives, we have been defeating our own interests as liberals and progressives on a daily basis.

Posted by Moxie at 6:42 AM | Comments (4)

official poke fun at bloggers week

Okay, so it's Wednesday. But it's never too late to start a week long endeavor. I'll be posting much more frequently the next 5 days. You may be seeing new posts every 3-8 minutes. Pretty much until I get bored of posting crap.

Let the festivus begin....

Festivus post #1:

I just got my tires changed and got wood over nanotechnology.

{okay, I'm bracing for the onslaught of traffic now. If four years of blogging don't do it, shit bitch...nanotechnology will}

Posted by Moxie at 6:28 AM | Comments (4)

iraq the model

I was one of the lucky few to be invited to Roger L. Simon's home to meet two of the Iraqi bloggers behind Iraq the Model and of course Jim Hake.

I promised my longtime friend Dawn a post on something non-political and while this was not my intended topic, I think it might pass her litmus test.

Because I don't feel the need to blog every time I burp or write when someone else has already said it better, and because Cathy is always more eloquent than I, go forth and read about the night. You won't be sorry.

Next post is about Paris Hilton, booze and grifters. I swear.

Posted by Moxie at 6:05 AM | Comments (3)

December 13, 2004

college prof suggests violence towards Republicans

Lots of folks ask me why many professors at our fine American Universities are parted so far left on the spectrum that they need a political comb-over.

Let's look at their age. And military history (heh. As if.).

As we well know these folks were academic draft dodgers. Without guilt or shame they pursued degree after degree in order to avoid getting soil underneath their manicured fingernails (i.e., Bill Clinton).

These were the pinkos who supported communism not freeing the Vietnamese from Communism. These were the peaceniks. The tree-huggers. The short sighted sexual revolutionists who failed to see the consequences of their actions. The pre-cursor to the mental illness now known as modern, progressive liberalism.

These were the folks who never had a real job, and instead spent their life in the ivory tower rather than face reality. These ARE the folks who brainwash our children for 20,000+ a year.

Now, enter one Pat Rothfuss, a recent brainwashee. Rothfuss having been successfully reprogramed during his college years is now a University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point faculty member.

In a post-election article he penned "that's Pat" suggests several tolerant, open minded liberal views that we on the right are highly familiar with:

"punching smug-looking Republicans in the mouth"
"key every car you see with a Bush bumper sticker."
"why don't you go on a killing spree? I pet you can take out fixteen for sisteen republicans beofre they gun you down. Duke, youd' be like a heroe." (sic)

Rothfuss attended a College Republicans meeting to discuss the issue however did not apologize.

Typical. As they say, if you can't do -- teach.
Read the whole article.
{hat tip: Josh Schroeder}

Posted by Moxie at 5:16 PM | Comments (16)

December 9, 2004

this one is for libshit mike

Since Michael Bernstein has been outted as a covert GOP operation -- another ingenious plot of Karl Rove -- I thought I'd give him his own comment thread in which to publicly display his liberal screeds.

It only helps the conservative cause Mike. Really.

Please, spew freely about how much you enjoy military casualities. Talk about how you love to fellate the likes of Saddam Hussein, and how communism is GOOD! Don't forget to mention how you kill helpless babies for sport, and hate black women. Whatever you do, don't forget that.

It's your turn to talk Mikey. Go for it. Being the compassionate conservative that I am -- the bandwidth is on me. Happy Festivus!

Posted by Moxie at 8:32 PM | Comments (87)

December 8, 2004

chocolate covered creeps

There are those people (kerry voters) who claim that the denizens of blue states are smarter than those in red states. I report, you decide.

Last week I was standing in line at a gourmet food shop here in Lost Angeles. There were four sorority girls in front of me.

They were typical loud Americans, every other word was "dude" and "he's all" and "like". Though they acted like college girls, talked about college things, they looked like 50 year old crack momma's.

In their hands were jars of chocolate sauce.

Dipshit #1: Why are we buying this again?
Dipshit #2: I know! We are going to put it on the creeps!
Dipshit #3: It's krups, don't you like know anything?
Dipshit #4: dudes, you're both wrong. It's crepee. The S is silent.

You say tomato, I say f you.
They were of course, talking about crepes.
(and yes I am too lazy to figure out how to add the accent)

Posted by Moxie at 11:05 AM | Comments (36)

December 6, 2004

The gift that keeps on giving

It comes as no surprise that Maureen Dowd the shrewish spokesperson of the heathen left, has written a column about how much she hates the Holidays. Of course she hates Christmas, it’s the birthday of baby Jesus. The founding father of Jesusland.

I was thinking the other day how odd it is that liberals hate Jesus. By all reliable accounts he had long hair, an unruly beard and wore sandals with socks. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s pretty much those people’s uniform. Then again when King Herod was appointed, I don’t recall Jesus running to group therapy.

It may seem unfair to poke fun at MoDo, after all her last three columns have reeked of both desperation and bitterness but sometimes it’s fun to shoot fish in a barrel.

Here are a few highlights:

“I have to be stressed about the fact that my holiday stress might cause me to turn into an old bat”

Too late. She should have worried about that one sooner.

“It might be exacerbated by the stress I feel when I think of all the money I've spent on lavishing boyfriends with presents over the years, guys who are now living with other women who are enjoying my lovingly picked out presents which I'm no doubt still paying for in credit card interest charges.”

Perhaps I'm wrong about her animosity towards Jesus. Maybe Maureen’s inability to keep a man around has caused her extreme hatred towards the holiday season.

What is she complaining about anyway? The left has it’s own pagan holiday. Halloween. That’s a day wherein it’s okay for liberals to dress up like witches, babies or whores. So the outside matches the inside.

Posted by Moxie at 4:56 PM | Comments (26)

those open minded, tolerant liberals

As you all know, when email is sent to me, unless it specifically says otherwise I reserve the right to publish it.

For those of you who miss my troll Mike, here is a lovely little email he sent today, after close to a month of silence.

So if you are wondering what the context of this email is -- there is none. Perhaps he has little conversations with me in his head and has blurred the line between his world and reality. Then again, Steve H. reminded me, since when do liberals have to make sense?

From: Michael Bernstein [mailto:michaelbernstein@nyc.rr.com]
Sent: Monday, December 06, 2004 10:15 AM
To: 'Moxie'
Subject: Lying

Is it because everyone in your government is a liar that you feel so comfortable with it? Even about the little stuff like your character? You are a pathetic RW trollop.

MB

-----------

Mike,

I'm sure "your government" in NYC has set up some sort of social service for people like you. Perhaps you can take a lead from those old folks in Florida who are dealing with their anger and depression through group therapy with other pinko commies.

Whichever route you choose, I hope those voices in your head go away in the near future.

Best,
~Mox

Posted by Moxie at 12:50 PM | Comments (34)

December 4, 2004

keeping an eye on the left

Just a few interesting links and stories I've come across in the past week:

- Scientists have discovered a link between cannabis use and mental illness. That explains a LOT about that 48% of America who voted for Kerry.

- Documents are missing from the National Archives (again). No searches of Sandy Berger's pants and socks have been planned.

- Susan Estrich's column: "What did [Teresa Heinz Kerry] do, but marry two guys, one of whom died and left her a billion dollars?" Susan suggests reputation rehabilitation for THK.

- DaGoddess, a girl after my own heart, spent a few days as a liberal and discovered that you don't need soap nor substance when you're living the lifestyle of an activist.

- Steve H. (being a compassionate conservative and all) has taken to counseling the pants-wetting pussies Florida liberals. In session he reveals to them, "the digital brownshirts are going to strap their Lugers on over their pajamas, march into your gated community here at Vista Del Mierda and confiscate your Metamucil." Read the whole thing, but make sure you have an empty bladder first.

- Michael Moore. Yep, still fat and factually challenged.

Posted by Moxie at 1:33 PM | Comments (7)

December 2, 2004

modo's great revelation

It's interesting to see Maureen Dowd squawking about the liberal media being a man's world. What's even more amusing is, she points out "networks don't even give lip service to looking for women and blacks for anchor jobs."

Liberals, the official purveyors of political correctness, are misogynistic and racist! She's just figured this out?

Let's think for a moment about the last man in an important role who was replaced by a woman. Who was that? Oh yes, Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice. And to refresh your memory -- it was the left who became outraged (outraged!) that President George W. Bush dared to put not only blacks and women in his cabinet but also Hispanics.

On the Dennis Miller show this past Tuesday, Andrew Breitbart jokingly pointed out that George W. Bush appears to be a racist -- he clearly has a problem with white men.

The left has had its last convincing shtick pulled out from under their feet. Truth be told, the liberals haven't done much at all to help minorities. Or women. And we all (save Maureen Dowd, who isn't ready to have a breakthrough on this point) know that libshits are hypocrites.

Replacing one of these male propaganda-spewing pusbags (Rather, Brokaw) with a woman (Matt Lauer, though effeminate does not count) or a minority would be one small step towards redemption. But I'm not holding my breath.

Even Brokaw is quoted as saying, "You know, honestly, what happens is career interruptus by childbirth and a couple of other things." Wow, thanks for the sex education lesson Tom. I'll go out on a limb and assume the "couple of other things" would be 1) that week each month a woman is perceived to be cranky and irrational and 2) taking care of little Timmy when he gets the sniffles.

Maureen blames all this on a backlash against feminism. "It's the season of prim "stay in the background" Laura Bush, not assertive "two for the price of one" Hillary." For once I couldn't agree more with Ms. Dowd. On two counts.

Feminism ruined dating, marriage and family for those of us in Jesusland (but that is a topic for another post).

And as I've written in the past, the scandal-ridden embarrassment known as President Bilary was largely responsible for this shift back to family values. "Family values" by the way is a forbidden phrase in the United States of Canada, where Al Gore was just re-elected for a second term.

Perhaps Ms. Dowd's red state family beat some semblance of sense into her over Thanksgiving. Next step? Getting her to admit that the major news organizations are a covert division of the DNC.

Again, I'm not holding my breath.

Posted by Moxie at 7:02 AM | Comments (18)