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February 28, 2005

give 'em what they want

Steve H, my honky home boy down in Miami always says -- Mox when you don't feel like writing, just post a muthaF'in photo. He was channeling Chris Rock, I guess.

It's Steve's lucky day. In case you missed it, there is a photo conspicuously posted above or to the right. The not-so-subliminal message is: vote Condi in 2008.

It was pulled fresh from the steaming hot camera moments ago -- and all my photos have been scientifically determined to contain less than 7 grams of fat per serving. They are also Atkins friendly and fortified with all required VRWC vitamins and minerals!

Watched the sun rise this morning. Talked to Carnie Wilson, she refuses to die by the iron fist of the ham sandwich. Hung with pals, had my gay houseboy senselessly club a few baby seals for my amusment while exclaiming, "let's get one thing straight..I'm not -- so no cigars near my ass Mrs. Slick Willy."

By the way, that virginal seal pelt is going to look great on my bunny-rabbit fur bed. Can't wait to lounge on it while dining on a snack of seared spotted owl. I hope Conchita my new little brown maid will be careful when she pulls out the bullets before cooking.It is a condition of her employment...no bullets or shells in my endangered species dinners.

In other news, the top-secret neocon crew created several new vast right wing conspiracies against the she-male also known as Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Being a compassionate conservative, I like to both give and give in. But sometimes a loser is just a loser.

The woman who couldn't squeeze her 12-inch-ankles into a pair of boots will win by losing. Same goes for us. Watching Billary lose will be a big win for the Rush-Miller-Snow-Coulter-O'Reilly crowd.

Let's look at it this way, we will still enjoy watching the girl-on-girl presidential mud wrestling debates pre election '08. My money is on the boots. That educated, beautiful black chick is tough as nails.

(Aren't liberals supposed to be FOR the minorities? Don't trust whitey! Especially if he's a Dem.)

Hillary will boast about increasing military spending before slinging mud in Condi's face. 100% of her military funding will go to the Salvation Army -- whose pecking order will be boosted to a notch above the Navy SEALS.

Indeed.

Commander-in-Cooch Hillary's Salvation Army will later invade Pyongyang.

Kim Jong Il will be ousted (found in a spider hole located somewhere near Michael Moore's crusty backside crevice). Barbra Steisand will become the leader of North Korea (the new world police) and rename the country "New Republik of Hollywood," or "Libtopia" for short.

Kim's unwashed and hairy socks will be used to wipe the huge shit eating grin from peacenik Howard Dean's chinless face.

Liberals will applaud the death of 1,000 soldiers all in order to liberate 10 moldy mattresses and a box of old clothes. All of which will later be distributed (by the UN) among the lazy and unwashed homeless intellectuals in California (Barbara Boxer).

We can only hope that "Mental" Ward Churchill will have joined those ranks by then. He'd be at home begging for change in San Francisco's Haight Ashbury district.

Of course, we Conservatives will claim that Hillary invaded another country (Hillary lied, Salvation Army died) -- all for the benefit of additional social services and entitlements.

Some bloke named Mr. Teresa Heinz Kerry will get a bunch of purple hearts because he broke a fingernail and got a hangnail while hauling out an old termite-nibbled dresser from Kim Jong Il's palace(in Cambodia).

Later he will vote for the war before he voted against it. Just before that he secretly delivers weapons to the Khmer Rouge (who were shooting at him), and decide the whole imaginary episode is so moving he must run for President.

Okay, I think I got distracted there, watching a party crumble is such fun. But back to the topic...

What member of the Vast Right Wing Conpiracy wouldn't truly enjoy watching the Clinton who wears the pants in the family fail miserably at running the country. We can always move to Canada and watch from afar! O Canadia!

Of course, Hillary's skirt chasing husband Bubba already managed to demean our highest office. It's only fitting that the real man in the family destroy it once and fcor all.

It ain't over until the fat lady sings. Or Chelsea gets married. One or the other.

Trust any woman who can bring home the bacon (oui oui) and fry it up in a pan (hello, Jacques Chirac).

Posted by Moxie at 11:08 AM | Comments (49)

February 25, 2005

Friday booze blogging

You know what to do...
And as always, please booze blog responsibly.

Posted by Moxie at 11:44 AM | Comments (9)

These boots were made for walkin'

Has Condi stolen my signature look?

Via email Aaron the Rantblogger says otherwise:

"Those boots were made for walkin'
and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots
are gonna walk all over EU."

Posted by Moxie at 10:37 AM | Comments (35)

February 22, 2005

for no obvious reason...unless you know me

I'd like to thank Al Gore for inventing the internet.

While I am not the type for gratuitous thank yous' -- I suspect, in the last 15 years I've been remiss about giving props to my hommie, Mistah Albert G. Not to be confused with Ali G.

On a sad note, Christopher Reeve is hating all conservative voters from beyond, because the Johns could have raised him from the dead and made him walk again.

But they can't do that kind of voodoo magic unless they were elected. Which, sorry libshits - they weren't. Oh how I love to point that out.

Carry on. Keep moving.
There is nothing to see here.

Posted by Moxie at 7:47 AM | Comments (16)

February 20, 2005

Stop calling my gay houseboy, please

I'm spending the long weekend down in the OC, with my peeps. This is where all the SoCal Republicans live and I must tell you, it's glorious to be around rational people. After shopping at South Coast Plaza yesterday I made an observation -- I had not seen a single John Kerry bumper sticker, not one anti-American sign or slogan. Instead I've seen countless magnetic "Support our Troops" ribbons.

From my smoking balcony, I can see other homes and more than three of them have American flags displayed. It feels like another country when contrasted to the Libzilla insanity of Lost Angeles.

But that's not what this post is about.

I got a frantic call from the compound this morning.

You see, a few months ago Andrew, my gay houseboy and I were at the Mondrian hotel and bumped into Paris Hilton. We must have charmed her because she programmed Andrew's name and phone number into her cell phone. She promised to call us for cocktails some time.

Paris Hilton never called, but every other idiot in the world HAS.
Thousands of phone calls, literally. Text messages. Tabloids asking for dirt on Paris. Horny young men wanting to know how to meet Paris.

I know more than a few people had wood over seeing Anna Kournikova's digits in her T-mobile address book, but please folks. There are a lot of people (i.e., my gay houseboy) who are about to have a stroke.

And now, back to my vacation....

Posted by Moxie at 3:16 PM | Comments (21)

February 18, 2005

for emergency use only

I must not fit into the Fox News Channel's demographic. Every other commercial seems to be for Cialis or Viagra.

Though of no interest to me, I do find the commercials amusing. Especially the part about "erections lasting for more than 4 hours, (while rare) require immediate medical attention."

Call me crazy but I'd think looking at a picture of Helen Thomas or any hemp wearing, hairy-bongo-playing libzilla would do the trick. In fact, they should consider including a nude photo of Ms. Thomas wrapped up with a warning, use only in case of emergency.

Posted by Moxie at 4:11 PM | Comments (24)

February 16, 2005

inadvertent teevee mentions of me, #1

Gilmore Girls
Feb. 15, 2005

Rory Gilmore: Oh I've got Moxie coming out of my ears today.

The shot of right wing goodness must have been too much for her small frame. I hope I didn't get any of her petite ear wax on my good clothes.

Posted by Moxie at 4:13 PM | Comments (24)

no on "divorced with children"

Steve H. is ranting again about being set up by friends with women he finds undesirable.

I have to say I really enjoy his honesty.

As a single woman, having never made a mistake by getting hitched (or having a baby) with a man who is no longer willing to abide by the strict VRWC marriage code of conduct....I expect to find an equivalent man, who has also circumnavigated the vast wasteland of failed marriages and weekend parenting.

Why are the women in his comments so upset? They all want to know how men think. They all want the inside track and when they get it -- they don't like it.

Some men don't like women who drink. I like a glass or two of wine at night. No one sees me bitching and moaning over the 10 guys who are no longer prospects.

The truth can hurt. But for every guy who doesn't want a woman with kids, there is a woman who doesn't want a man who cooks hogs and artery clogging foods.

That said, I can vouge for Steve's character. Sure, lots of men are assholes, but he is for certain not one of them. And his food is damn delicious.

Posted by Moxie at 2:58 PM | Comments (18)

February 14, 2005

Yes Chris Rock, abortion is beautiful

too bad yo mamma didn't feel the same way.

Oh and Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours.

Posted by Moxie at 7:29 PM | Comments (64)

February 11, 2005

Friday booze photoblogging

Someday, when I am all grown-up I'd like to start a weekly Carnival of Adult Beverages.

But you know, I've only been at this blogging thing twice as long as the big dawgs. Once I become a law professor, or radio personality and my traffic skyrockets -- watch out libzillas!

Please comment with a link or send a trackback to your own booze photoblogging.

Full glasses, empty glasses, bottles, and even cans are okay.

But please booze blog responsibly!! And friends don't let friends blog drunk.

Posted by Moxie at 4:46 AM | Comments (37)

February 9, 2005

Thank you Hollywood

Is it fair for me to hate Professor Bainbridge?

Yesterday, I drove around for an hour in Hollywood with my camera in hand looking for this damn billboard.

Apparently, I didn't go far enough west on Sunset. Sigh.

Posted by Moxie at 12:57 PM | Comments (20)

canon i9900 reporting for duty

It seems pretty silly to take a photo of some photos I printed yesterday. But if anyone wants me to, I will.

I printed out quite a few 4x6's and 8x10's and then grabbed a few photos that came from the photo lab. Mixed em together and made Andrew, my gay houseboy pick which ones were done on an ink jet printer. It was like asking a liberal to identify soap.

He thought the photos printed on the Canon were the lab prints. Why? Because they looked better. More vibrant colors and sharper resolution.

Canon's new ChromaPLUS 8-color ink system produced prints with great color accuracy. I even printed out some photos taken in an all white art gallery and every shadow and detail was exquisite. In fact, one shot with stacked wine glasses looked three dimensional. As if you could grab a glass and demand someone fill it immediately.

Some people have said after 30 years the photos may fade, they aren't archival. Canon claims a lifespan of 25 years, and I suspect using UV glass and archival materials would extend that significantly.

However, I'm not terribly concerned.

Some of my clients demand contact sheets and output within hours. Sometimes very late at night. And my Epson (I'm too lazy to go upstairs and see which model it is) has never lived up to expectations.

If you hold an Epson print sideways near a light, you can see the dyes lying on the page. With the Epson, even after calibrating my monitor, the colors are never accurate. There are excellent Epson printers in the 1k+ range, however for my small outfit I don't have the budget nor need for one.

One last thought on the longevity of prints -- I have several lab photos and ink jet printouts on my refrigerator. Some from my HP and some from the Epson. The only prints that have faded (and badly) were the lab photos. I've added a few from the Canon and will report back in about 6 months.

To be honest, I'm not sure why lab prints are considered the gold standard. In theory, yes. But in reality...not so much.

Lastly, I'll talk about the photo paper. Printer manufacturers are pretty dirty. They want you (of course) to use their own paper. In this case I can see why. After experimenting on top-quality Epson, Canon and Kodak photo papers, and by experimenting I mean taking one sheet of each out of the sleeve and comparing just the look and feel of the paper -- it was clear the Canon paper was superior.

I made a few prints on the other paper as well and while the output was just as good, the paper itself wasn't.

In the process of researching this purchase, I asked several photographers about the Epson 2200 and they all thought I was crazy. As did the salesperson at Frys. When a saleperson steers you away from the more expensive option, you can usually trust his advice.

Posted by Moxie at 11:21 AM | Comments (19)

February 7, 2005

and then there were three

There are now three cats buried in the far perimeter of the backyard.

This one decided it was time to go when the ground was still frozen and Dad, in his 60’s had to work really hard to dig her grave through the snow and into the icy soil.

She was tired. Gone blind. Bladder went to hell more than a year ago. But until two days ago had a ravenous appetite for food and life.

Mom called on Saturday and said Nika wasn’t eating. We got her when I was 19. Nika was mine, or at least I talked my folks into getting another critter. Dad drove us home from picking up the kitten from her keeper. In the passenger’s seat, Nika was curled up in my lap, about the size of a large apple letting out crazy, loud human sounding “Wow’s”

We laughed.

I told my Mom, she’s stopped eating before. Constipation. Hairballs. She would be okay. We have a crazy family tradition of talking to each other’s cats via the telephone. For a moment, I thought about asking my Mom to hold the phone up to Nika’s ears so I could tell her I loved her one last time and that she will always be my pretty kitty. I didn’t.

My Mom went to sing at mass on Sunday as a cantor. Afterwards, she was tired and called my Dad. He had just checked on Nika and she was okay. I’m 19, it’s summer and I’m holding this kitten up above my head, babytalking to her while my boyfriend takes photo after photo. I want those photos right now.

Though tired, Mom stops at the store and picks up some ham, because if anything can make Nika eat – it’s ham. She arrives back at home and finds Nika where she left her. In a warm furry cat bed, shaped like a cave with a soft blanket under her. Nika loved to be outside. I would put her on the raft and float her in the new pool. When she got bored of floating around she’d jump and swim ashore like a pro.

My Mom touched her and talked to her. And she was cold. Nika came to Cornell with me but she missed my Mom too much and cried non-stop. We had a schedule; mostly it was Mary, a 5th year senior with only two classes. Mary carried Nika around on her gigantic chest while I was suffering through Organic Chemistry and Psychology classes. At other times it was my RA who would cat-sit.

The next week my parents picked her up. And we missed her. Mouthy, opinionated, demanding and incredibly loving. A sweet brat. Mom made my Dad wait before burying her. Just in case she wasn't really dead. An hour later, she began to stiffen. And Mom reluctantly gave the word.

Mom had a box, a new blanket and toy ready, she knew it was coming. Dad found the shovel and a nice spot in the yard. Nika loved Bentley, and long after I stopped traveling back east with him she would sniff around my luggage and give me hell for not bringing him back to visit.

Tonight, it’s Bentley who’s looking around and trying to figure out what is making me so sad. And it’s the image of my Dad stoically digging another grave for a beloved family pet.

Posted by Moxie at 9:39 PM | Comments (22)

admin notes & questions

- I'll be upgrading the site this evening. My web host would like for all MT users to have the most recent release due to security holes in the older versions. Please, pray to our lord George W. Bush that it goes well.

- How do people feel about Typekey registration being required for comments? I'm tired of spending my dime to host comments of trolls and mentally ill liberals. No, it won't eliminate trolling, libzillas and spam but it would require significantly more effort for them to leave nasty-grams. Thoughts?

- Tech geeks: Anyone have any advice about the Canon i9900 photo printer? Pros and cons would be much appreciated.

Hopefully I will be back tomorrow with a functional, upgraded site.

Posted by Moxie at 5:47 PM | Comments (15)

February 5, 2005

that which does not kill you, only makes you stronger

Sadly, I had to fire my little brown maid, Consuela today. It was bad enough when she served grey goose martinis to the libzillas, but she has now threatened the safety and security of all VRWC members at the compound.

You may recall Consuela almost killed Steve H. with her copious use of fancy American fabric softeners and generous dashes of Fabuloso in everything from my laundry to mixed drinks.

Today I confirmed a long-standing suspicion.

I took a stroll through the compound's kitchen and saw her using a sponge to clean my utensils and plates. Okay, so she wasn't using the special sponge with the handle containing dish soap. But those things can be confusing to LBPs.

Later I again casually passed through only to find her using the same sponge on the kitchen counter. Still later she was using the sponge-in-question to clean the inside of the kitchen sink.

And on the floor. Windows. Toilet. Cat dishes.

And on Phoebe's crusty ass. Oh, and she forgot to wash a glass from upstairs. Yep -- same sponge.

After cleaning, she replaced it on the edge of the sink, as if it were still pristine enough to touch human skin. Or my utensils.

My kitchen is not sponge-worthy. Never has been. This place was built in the 1920's and that was the last time anything in here has been "new" and exciting. It's paper towels or nothing.

No wonder I've been feeling under the weather for weeks - my little brown person has been trying to kill me.

Posted by Moxie at 5:51 PM | Comments (19)

February 4, 2005

mental ward churchill

It's all-hate Friday at Steve H's...don't miss his rant about "Mental Ward" Churchill.

I'll be back soon, I promise. But Steve is always better than me, so be glad (secretly) that I'm sparing you.

Posted by Moxie at 3:46 PM | Comments (6)

February 3, 2005

still not tire blogging

Tomorrow is another busy day of work for me, so I'd like to point out two fine new conservative blogs.

The first is Local Liberty from The Claremont Institute. It deals specifically with beating down the California libzillas California policy and local government. This is already on my daily reading list.

The second is Libertas, from the founders of the Liberty Film Festival. As you may guess it deals mainly with conservatism in film.

One of the editors, Govindini Murty joins the ranks of Ann Coulter, Bo Derek, yours truly and many others named GOP Babes of the Week.

More substantive writing here will likely resume over the weekend. So be sure to drop by on your days off.

I'll see ya when I see ya.

Posted by Moxie at 12:39 AM | Comments (12)

February 2, 2005

so you are supposed to update these "blogs" everyday?

Four years and four months later, I'm still not sure about that.

UPDATE: According to the puppy blender, busy folks like me should have been blogging from the DMV today (or insert real-life activity here).

I suppose if I were making six figures from my blogads, it might be a possibility. But lugging a laptop there, trying to find an actual seat, etc -- just adds to the pain that is the DMV.

And his evangelizing of "tire blogging" and "dinner blogging" trends...well, I don't find that meme as cute as he does. In fact, I don't CARE who was getting new tires. If something interesting happened, then fine. Something funny happened there? Even better.

If "bloggers" want to be taken seriously as humorists, journalists, media-watchdogs -- I have two bits of advice. First stop calling yourselves BLOGGERS. Blogger was perhaps the first, free mainstream content management program popular with online writers. Why aren't we all calling ourselves Movabletypists now? Because we are writers.

Furthermore, "blog" is simply short for web log and according to all reliable sources the aforementioned is a reference to an application wherein there are multiple posts, timestamped and linked on one common page. Do people who use MS word call themselves worders? Of course not, so shut the f up.

Lastly, as a writer, quality is better than quantity.

Posted by Moxie at 2:57 PM | Comments (16)