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July 30, 2005
No Rear Admiral, please
While it sounds like a suitable and likely activity for a West Hollywood bar -- if I were a man -- I'd prefer NOT to have a Rear Admiral present during my comprehensive physical exam.
Let's hope neither the Rear Admiral, nor the President lost any seamen during the prostate exam. You know what a warlord our GWB is, there may have been an insurgent uprising in his bits and pieces.
Cheap and easy shot? Maybe. But I can't help myself when it comes to these things. Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitstaff.
UPDATE: A reader today alerted me to the position of "Vice Admiral" and my mind was filled with a POTUS during his physical with the vice guy...being offered drugs, hookers, booze, unregistered firearms, smokes and loose interns.
If he refuses, the Vice Admiral gives the thumbs up.
Posted by Moxie at 4:11 PM | Comments (13)
July 27, 2005
riddle of the day
I know this may sound mean, but thinking practically, why would anyone offer 40 goats and 20 cows in exchange for just one cow?
Posted by Moxie at 3:18 PM | Comments (13)
July 26, 2005
Propaganda Donation
One the most revolting things about living in Los Angeles is watching the nonstop TV commercials suggesting that residents who go on vacation -- to the French Riviera, or some other unwashed, hairy pacifist locale -- donate their printed copies of blatant left-wing propaganda to neighborhood schools while they are away.
A little pimply libshit-in-training says on-camera, “kids have the right to know what is going on in the world.”
I agree. If only little Cliff or Caitlin knew that the LA Times was the problem, not the solution...
The LAT is well known to "those in the know" for its leftist propaganda and will never fill the county's journalistic void. Neither will the pro-socialist teachers and their foul ideology which is shoved down innocent children's throats.
For a brief moment, I pretend I have a child who thinks that whatever newspaper they get to read in class is actual journalism and acurate reporting of the news.
First I thank a god I don't believe in, for not having a child subjected to such abuse. Then I demand a full tax refund on school taxes and have Rosario bring me a double shot of tequila.
There is such a thing as too much reality. Reality can be ugly.
My Dad always tells me, “you aren’t always recognized for being right.”
I love my Dad, but someday I hope we'll prove him wrong.
Posted by Moxie at 6:32 AM | Comments (9)
July 24, 2005
VRWC summertime activities
If there is one thing I can count on when the weather gets hot, it's that people will email asking if I am running through the sprinklers with John Ashcroft.
Of course I am. And I've also been skinny dipping in the pool with Zell Miller.
At night we've been playing our favorite boardgame "Racial Profiling" on the candlelit patio.
We play in two teams, liberals and conservatives. Each time a property on the board is hit by terrorism and the responsible party identified the conservatives can conduct surveillance on like people, temporarily restrict a freedom, start a new war or do nothing.
The liberal team can sing a folk song, randomly search gray haired grannies at the airport, give in to the terrorist's demands or do nothing.
It's kind of a boring game in that the conservatives always win, but most of the fun comes in mocking the liberals.
Karl Rove likes to play on the liberal team, after a few Ketel One martinis he always says, "Pretend I'm Ted Kennedy on a liquid diet." It's at that point we hide our car keys and instruct my little brown maid to make him a shirley temple.
One of Don Rumsfeld's favorite lines is, "Oh look I'm Hillary Clinton and I'm going to sing a folk song to calm the London al qaeda cells!"
To which Condi always replies, "I'm some douchebag from the BBC, they aren't terrorists they are bombers!"
When everyone passes out, we like to remove my life sized Dick Cheney doll from its undisclosed location, pose him in compromising positions with the real (but sleeping) Dick Cheney and take digital photos. They're classified obviously, otherwise I'd post them here.
Tonight we are having a VRWC Republican Babes wrestling match. The ring will be filled with Halliburton stock certificates. Winner takes all and gets a romantic weekend at Camp David with John Roberts.
So if I'm not posting as much as you'd like, too bad. I'm working.
Posted by Moxie at 1:05 PM | Comments (12)
July 7, 2005
you want photos?
For all the whiners who wanted photos. Take THIS, you pussies.
Posted by Moxie at 8:39 PM | Comments (13)
London calling
A few weeks ago I was talking to a woman from London at the pool. She remarked at how out of touch she felt with the world during her 1 month stay in Lost Angeles.
"Your news organizations don't cover much at all of world news. Americans don't seem to care about anyone but themselves."
While I knew she was partially right, I also explained why she was wrong. The US is a very large country, much larger than the UK. And I rattled off a list of news organizations from abroad that most tech-savvy people haunt on a daily basis. But of course Ma and Pa Kettle in North Dakota are on dial up and find AOL terribly confusing when and if they can connect.
Today however, I think she's right, in a different way. And it pains me. Steve said it and I concur -- I'm shocked at the lack of outrage over the London terrorist attacks on the innerwreck today.
And if anything fuels the blawg world, it's outrage.
The mainstream media is covering it, however most of the coverage I've caught was about how this would affect the stock markets tomorrow. And wild speculation on what it means for us here in the Homeland.
Being a night owl I heard "Terrorists Attack London" early in the morning Pacific time and a chill ran down my spine. And not simply because I have family living there -- thankfully they are fine.
A family member of mine from London relayed that 1) she was only surprised it took this long to get hit and 2) that one of the stations bombed was in a highly Muslim neighborhood.
Aaron and I were chatting just the other day about how terrifying these radicals are and how the world is not doing enough -- and I suspect the choice of stations just goes to show their utter disrespect for anything and everything. Even their own.
Thankfully Tony Blair isn't a pansy and unlike the atrocious example set forth by Spain, he is not planning on giving the terrorists what they want.
As for those who are desensitized, or the tree-humping peacenik leftists who look at this as a reason to stop the war on terror, I extend my middle finger in your general direction.
This was not an attack on London, this is another attack on civilization.
UPDATE: Here is a partial summary of some Bear Flag League member's reactions. Phew! Very glad to see this sort of thing.
Andrea Harris, who scolded me earlier for this post also has a spirited link roundup. Good on her. (Bad on the commenter who brings up the time my cat almost died...a few bombings in London merits mention of Bentley's infected ass?) Uh huh.
MORE: Gutfeld. I could not be more in love with this guy.
Posted by Moxie at 2:29 PM | Comments (41)
July 6, 2005
Moxie Crimefighter
During my unintentional hiatus, lots of people have emailed me about my pal Penn (of Penn & Teller) naming his baby Moxie Crimefighter.
For the record, my middle name is LibshitFighter. And although it was discussed in the deep recesses of my warped mind, I am not the godmother of Penn's little bundle of Libertarian joy.
Since I may never produce my own Moxie Jr., I'm pleased as punch to see the name passed along within a good family. If not my own, who better than the man who shows that recycling patchouli bottles is worse for the environment than tossing your craptastic bottles and cans into the plain old fashioned trash bin.
In the event that I find a man willing to bear a right wing little satan, and he passes along the X chromosome -- my daughter will be named Moxie DickCheney. Or Moxie Halliburton.
Unless you all have better suggestions for an appropriate middle name...
Posted by Moxie at 12:25 AM | Comments (9)
July 5, 2005
Putty Tat
There is a new addition to the Moxtopian Feline Zoo -- please welcome Putty Tat. No, I didn't name him. Interestingly enough he prefers to be called "Putties" the regal plural.
He's fiscally conservative and somewhat of an anarchist on social issues.
Advice on how to handle two indoor cats and one outdoor cat is welcomed and encouraged.
Posted by Moxie at 1:26 PM | Comments (11)
