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September 27, 2005

the john mccain excuse

Was chatting with a liberal "suitor" today...purely for fun. The following has been slightly edited for spelling and clarity's sake.

HIM: Hi georgeous!

ME: How ever did you guess I am George-ous!!
Are you also a fan of our President?

HIM: Low blow... bush sucks. I may be a poor speller, but I am a great listener...

ME: Great, listen to me now -- you said bush sucks. I agree, personally I prefer to be bare down there.

HIM: Glad to hear it. Personally I prefer you to be bare down there as well. With that said, I was referring to our esteemed national leader... He is such fucking moron. he wouldn't misspell gorgeous because he don't have the word in his vocabulary. And in fact, my IQ is in the neighborhood of 135... I know, hard to believe...

ME: You have an IQ of 135? That IS hard to believe. Gorgeous is pretty basic. And you also said Bush "don't have the word in his vocabulary" -- I see you're yet another liberal wasteland.

HIM: Just because I think Bush is an idiot doesn't mean I am a liberal. John McCain is my favorite Senator. If you looked deeper, you wil see the real me.

ME: Hard to look deeply into a liberal. You can go BLIND! But I do see the real you -- and saw the hot new "i'm not a liberal" lib thing -- saying you like John McCain. Quite frankly, I'm just shocked you spelled John properly.

Gross. It's like, "Sure I'm a liberal but I shower occasionally! AND I like McCain!"

Posted by Moxie at 1:03 AM | Comments (21)

September 22, 2005

think you are smarter than me?

fine. Prove it!

Lots of you think you are smarter than me. That's right, mere "avid photographer" amateurs have offered/forced photo advice upon me in the past.

But this time I'm asking for it.

Considering a pre-order on one of these: Canon EOS 5D.

I'm not going to spend 7 or 8k for a camera that will be is already inferior by year's end. We've already got an 8 MP SLR, but love the thought of having a digital camera that offers the full frame equivalent to a 35mm.

Now through February is a very busy season, and I need to spend a lot on gear each tax season, practically speaking. The downside is this thing won't ship before October, may have buggy firmware and I need it before then.

I'm no fan of Nikon D-SLR's so unless you can point out some incredibly persuasive nuance I'm not aware of, don't expect me to change from an all Canon shop based on your point and shoot knowledge of baby shower party pics.

Go ahead...I'm listening.

(If you are bored by this, I also found a gift certificate for an hour-long massage on the sidewalk. Without it, Megan is without her 30th birthday present. With it, I can enjoy some much needed hands-on relaxation, hopefully without a "happy ending" -- I tried to track her down. No luck. So you tell me. Oh how I wish I were the bloodless Republican the liberals think I am.)

Posted by Moxie at 2:14 AM | Comments (25)

September 6, 2005

what the world needs...

is a journalist named Ron Bon Jovi.

Bid early and often. It's for a good cause!

UPDATE:
Steve H just said to me: I'd pay him 200k if he makes it "long dong jovi". Or even "won ton jovi".

I agree.

Posted by Moxie at 4:17 PM | Comments (14)

"I am sean"

Sean Penn, Hollywood's "bad boy" -- carjacked in LA, robbed of his guns in SF -- and enamored by tyrants in Baghdad and Tehran, has not met a criminal he can't do business with. No wonder he likes Hollywood so much!

One can only assume he's done (thousands of lines of coke off) various agent's asses to spew the toxic crap he's offered his beloved Amerika in recent years. Either that or he IS Sam, the mentally challenged soul he played all too authentically in "I am Sam".

Our favorite Madonna-X spent Labor Day weekend, not applying moisturizer to his crow's feet but boating through New Orleans in a rusty scupper. Avoiding bloated, floating bodies no doubt, was hardly different than navigating the Hollywood maze.

All this so he could gain the moral high ground and politicize (at the earliest opportunity) a national tragedy. Later while sipping cocktails with fancy friends in Marin he can say, "Look man - I was there, in a boat, with a cup, sinking in feces and I got my Versace pants wet...where were you?"

All of that sounds eerily like John Kerry's recollections of his swift boat era.

For Rear Admiral Penn it was basic Boating 101 -- if you have water (and po' people's blood and feces) rushing into the boat -- bailing out with a red plastic cup is your ONLY solution (he didn't have any dixie cups handy). To actually close the drain holes at the back of the bilge, would be asking far too much of a guy who spent his delayed 3rd world junior year abroad in the land of tyrants explaining away the inexplicable with marxist Norman Solomon's predictable talking points.

They call these kind of people "useful idiots" but for a 44 year old man that's aiming a tad too low. Or maybe not low enough. In Hollywood they tend to aim for the ass. I live in Hollywood and I call em "assholes" and they are everywhere.

After reading about his boating misfortune, I was shocked and delighted! I figured Sean was preparing to reprise his role from "I am Sam" for a sequel and was doing some research to get back into character. Au contraire!

(BTW, what I wrote in the graf above is terribly unfair...to people who are mentally challenged. They are far brighter than Sean.)

Sean Penn is a great example of a faux pas many celebs will NEVER understand. Some of "these people" should just stay at home and fondle their Oscars. Or make WILD accusations about criminal negligees. Penn's very idea that "every little boat helps," has never been so wrong.

However, we can't blame him. His deep-rooted developmental abnormalities/mental illness prevents him from doing the sane thing. Sean is precisely the type of person who feels he must be there -- come hell or high water -- center of all attention to make a difference (to supplement the leak in his ego's levee).

He's a poor man's Bono. Oh but he does all this pro-bono. As long as someone photographs it and talks about how heroic he was for getting dirt under his freshly manicured nails.

I CAN understand why corrupt celebrities would rape our modern under-waterworld Gomorrah for photo ops. My seamstress calls it libshit's moral fabric. Hollywood agents call it "ass fucking". Whores call it "a living".

A recent survey of celebrities, conducted by the official Democratic think tank "N.U.T.S." indicated that f***ing or getting f***ed is one of celebs' all time favorite activities.

And as they say, egotism is next to assholism. And it's Penn's ego that makes him capable of believing that he can do a MUCH better job than the President and the Red Cross, the fire department, and the National Guard. Combined.

Because he's THAT famous.

His bloated ego is what sent him to a penthouse hotel room in Iraq, and in a little boat to rescue 40 cats in New Orleans. PETA thanks him for it, I'm sure.

"I am Sean" is the worst kind of liberal - in the sense that he goes OUT OF HIS WAY to put his misguided thoughts into action.

Why oh why can't he be more like Tim Robbins and just make horrible plays?

Posted by Moxie at 12:06 AM | Comments (34)

September 1, 2005

Big girls do cry

A LOT

I spent an hour tonight looking at photos of the areas in the gulf affected by Katrina. There are no words.

Have you ever been stranded and really thirsty in hot and humid weather? I have. Have you had to carry a corpse while wading through toxic muck and human excrement WHILE thirsty and hungry? It's hard to imagine.

I've always liked the Salvation Army because they've forcefully removed my unneeded junk and gave me a hug and a nice little receipt for tax purposes. If there are two words that warm my bloodless conservative heart they'd be "salvation" and "army".

I strongly suggest (if you haven't already) to float them a few bucks.

Working out my finances now to see how much I can give them, but I plan to make it hurt. Every single dollar counts. And unlike our dreaded taxes, you can kind of choose who gets your money.

If you have something against the Salvation Army, Instapundit has a whole list of places where you can donate (and which blogger is recommending which charity).

Feel free to comment and blame the French, OR let me know where you donated and how much, if you'd like. It would be interesting to see how much readers of my blog have given.

I'll report back on my own donation tomorrow.

UPDATE: $500. That's going to hurt me so good.

Posted by Moxie at 8:52 PM | Comments (17)