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March 20, 2006
Letter to the ASSHOLE who scraped the paint off my bumper
Even though I don't know who you are -- you know who you are, douchebag. And you have to live with your dammed black soul.
Last night while I slept you damaged my car and chose not to leave a note.
Last week I was horrified to witness a woman scuff my 1-week-old car's pristine bumper. But YOU were lucky enough NOT to be seen while expressing total disregard for other people's property.
Do you have any idea how UGLY you are? Not on the outside, but on the inside where it matters.
You are lucky I wasn't there when you scraped the paint off my RAV4's bumper. While I'm not a violent person by nature, I would have gone all Rumsfeld on your ass. This is REAL damage to a car too new to even have license plates. I depleted my life savings so I could have a car that works and you put a VERY visible blemish on something that means freedom to me.
You don't know me. You don't understand how my life has been the last 5 years. And how much being mobile has helped my state of mind. I'm not one of these spoiled brats tooling around in a 45,000 dollar car. This car cost me 21k and I'd like to give you two black eyes. All I can do now is wish you a lifetime of trouser rash. Something you will have to look at and hate until they find a cure. Because that's what I will have to do every time I get in my car until I can afford to get your mess fixed.
What did you think? Oh the owner of that vehicle will never notice. The freaking car is 2 weeks old. I notice bird poop and dust on the car, for crying out loud.
Are you mental? Or simply a pot-smoking Democrat who feels entitled to do whatever it takes to squeeze your wimpy hybrid car into a parking space? Oh, I know -- maybe you're an incompetant driver who should never have been issued a driver's license at all. Like 3/4 of my neighbors.
I'm an atheist. But there is a small part of me that truly hopes there really is a hell. Because that's where you would be going with a one way ticket. Lucky for you, you will eventually be able to hang out by the lava pit with your "heros" like Hitler, Stalin, Che, Slick Willy, doctors who perform abortions, oh shit...forget it, more than half the state of California will be there to keep you company - eventually.
This isn't a scuff, this is something that's going to cost me the price of a new bumper. May your bank account suffer, in triplicate.
Love,
Moxie
Posted by Moxie at 4:53 PM | Comments (14)
By the way
Please be sure to check out my new BlogAds.com advertiser, for Brick, a new movie opening on March 31st. I don't know much about it, but they saved me from joining the Pajama Club, so they deserve lots of attention.
The website looks mysterious enough, worthy of a gander. And again, they saved me from joining the PajamaHamas. That's all it takes, folks.
Posted by Moxie at 12:27 AM | Comments (3)
March 19, 2006
Make Believe
The thing I love most about my neighborhood is that I can take hour long walks every single day and always find something fun, interesting and/or bizarre to take note of mentally.
Tonight as I walked down Melrose, I came across a few familiar all-American storefronts that had been transformed into a street in Japan.
It was incredibly surreal.
Don't get me wrong, I've lived in LA long enough to yawn when I pass a production.
But these folks had put up false storefronts, neon signs, added vending machines and small "only in Japan" details. And if you've been to Japan (as I have) you know there are vending machines in the most bizarre locations, selling beer, cigarettes, condoms, used schoolgirl panties (I saw a few) and other odd items.
So after buying some tea at the unaltered coffeeshop...I found out, yes....that they would be closing the streets. Because it's a CAR commercial.
If you listened to my podcast, you know why that irks me. But at least they aren't closing it until the wee hours of the morning, when only the drunks are driving.
And if I need a little Japan, without driving to Los Angeles' own "Little Toyko" area, I can just take a brisk walk. Until morning when it's gone without a trace.
Posted by Moxie at 10:42 PM | Comments (4)
MoxVox #3
Los Angles constipation, and how you shouldn't have a picnic on a golf course if you think you might get hit with stray balls. No pun intended.
Click here.
Posted by Moxie at 4:45 AM | Comments (5)
March 16, 2006
American Inventor
One of the things most liberals like about me is my uncontrollable desire to watch reality teevee. It makes them think I'm on their level after all. It's a false sense of security for them. A Rovian plot.
That aside, I try to stick with things that are creative, inventive or helpful, such as Project Runway, Starting Over, The Apprentice, or their ilk.
It's no wonder I decided to watch American Inventor, really how could anyone resist? It's like late night freakshow infomercials during prime time.
Some real time typed notes:
The edible snow globes: Good god, if that's what women want I'm missing a penis on my body. This former Dolly Parton impersonator...is in.
Evan & Jaron -- a one hit wonder twin-brother duo came in with the "Pit Port" -- okay, fine. Didn't Tupperware create a serving dish with pit/shell disposal for olives, cherries and pistachios about ten years ago? What a joke. Even though they are kind of adorable in that clueless sense. They are in.
Gerry/Jerry with the portable gym in a rolling suitcase? Brilliant. I would buy that. Even without travel, I'm not aware of a company that offers anything of that magnitude in such a portable package. He's in and a few judges cry. I wasn't so moved, even though I liked the innovation of his product. But I'm a heartless Republican.
I really liked George Brown, 68 who has some sort of smoke gun to season food. The judges were choking after sampling a few potato chips that were hickory smoked. I loved that. When Steve H. is 68 I can see him creating something like this, but more extreme! And involving pork! The smoking gun is out.
Toilet inventions. WTF? Even the judges had a problem talking about the various personal hygiene products. Progressives really need this. They've all been out so far. Too bad for my town.
Tizzy tubes. A PhD created a soft inflated cagelike environment for children's tantrums. Okay this inventor came from San Francisco, where they want to make kids (or everyone, for that matter) feel like inappropriate behavior is a-okay. OUT.
The solar powered cooler, radio, cell phone recharger, etc. Brilliant. I'd buy one for the Moxtopia terrace paradise. The judges say they are IN. He needs to add a hand crank option, though that's just my opinion.
The kid. Doggie A/C for the car. Cute, but a really unsafe idea in certain climates. And as we know, idiots would use it to keep their babies (the ones they forgot to abort) in the car while they are shopping for new shoes, jewelry and handbags at Bloomingdales. He was OUT...but it was sweet how the fat judge went out to comfort the kid and his family. And how the crying kid told his Mom she was the best Mom in the world. It was a sweet moment.
Looks like next week's episode will feature more rejects, mixed in with a few more finalists. These season openers will likely be more interesting than the "real" episodes with the finalists with cash in hand to improve their inventions. It's hard to watch. I won't, but my DVR will record it, in case I change my mind.
I think I might!
PS: I'm going to record a podcast this weekend...working on a secret guest. So check back in soon.
Posted by Moxie at 9:18 PM | Comments (12)
March 15, 2006
one last car post
I don't want this to turn into a car blog. The thing has been bought, driven and seasoned with its first scuff. Enough, right?
Wrong.
I'd like to know what you think is the best choice in auto security systems. In my hood car alarms go off all the time and no one blinks an eye. I've heard all it takes to rid a car of The Club is something that can cut or saw through the steering wheel. Lojack is supposed to be good, if A) you can afford it and B) if they find your car before it's been disassembled for parts.
I'm all ears...let me know what you guys think.
Posted by Moxie at 12:17 PM | Comments (19)
March 13, 2006
How long does it take...
to have an idiot put the first scuff on my bumper?
One week.
I even SAW her doing it. Yes, a she, in a babushka -- of course. When she first hit my bumper, the sensible thing to do is say "oh hey, I should stop. I've just hit a brand new car."
But no she forced it further, determined to make her car fit in a parallel parking spot where she had about 5 feet free behind her. This numbskull even saw me watching her soil my sparkling new car, got out and pretended like that white mark was ALWAYS on my silver bumper and began to unload 20 bags of groceries. Don't make me point out that she was enormously fat. I won't stoop that low. I'm sure the food was for her kids and not her.
Sigh. At least it wasn't the Porsche.
Posted by Moxie at 8:07 PM | Comments (16)
March 10, 2006
Moxvox #2
(it ain't working for me at this moment, but maybe it will be soon)
Posted by Moxie at 2:14 AM | Comments (8)
March 6, 2006
And the winner is...
The 2006 Toyota RAV4, 4 cylinder 4x2. In the end, my personal experience with Toyota vehicles won out, as I plan to drive this for the next 10 years.
The test drive was great, though it's an SUV it really drives and handles like a car. I guess I was expecting it to feel more like a truck. And for a 4 cylinder, the engine surprised me, it's very spunky! Though perhaps the greatest surprise was how good the visibility is, and while all cars have a "blind spot" this SUV's is actually smaller (is that the right word?) than my old Toyota Celica.
The dealer I purchased it from gave me a price that beat CarsDirect by 700 dollars, and the other dealers by 2-3k, so I think I got a very good price.
I opted for a fairly basic model without all the bells and whistles, as much as it would have been nice to have these items, my wallet didn't agree. But it does have a roof rack, styled 17" wheels and the side curtain airbags. Truly though, as long as it has an engine and wheels, I'm happy.
So, that's the end of my car shopping. It's so nice to have something that actually works. I keep going outside to admire it -- my neighbors think I'm crazy -- and maybe I am.
Posted by Moxie at 11:32 AM | Comments (14)
March 2, 2006
Housecat swears off chicken, fish, pork and beef
also registers as a Democrat
I set up a decoy plate, because any tomato, lettuce, cabbage or other veggie I accidentally left on the counter overnight was mysteriously eaten. And in case you aren't already stalking me -- I live alone.
Case solved.
Posted by Moxie at 10:35 PM | Comments (12)
MoxMobile update
Many thanks to everyone for input on the new MoxMobile
Because of your comments and emails, I have now looked at the Toyota RAV4 -- my family and I have had really amazing experiences with Toyota in the past. Not sure why this wasn't in the initial lineup, perhaps the cars simply looked more expensive than they are. Remember, I'm looking for the biggest bang for my buck.
Oddly I like the 2005 RAV4's better, they have a few with manual tranny in the right colors. The guy is anxious to move em (rightfully so, it's MARCH 2006 -- why do they have any 2005's left?). So darn it, if the price is right, who knows. It's not quite as slick looking as the 2006 but it's significantly smaller. In the city this is a huge bonus.
Why people who drive cars bigger than my house are assholes
There is nothing less sexy than these douchebags in huge homes on wheels. They squeak through a residental neighborhood, sideview mirrors swiping cars parked on both sides of the street. These Escalade and Hummer drivers force people who drive NORMAL sized autos into stranger's driveways, random alleys and once (that I witnessed), a front lawn. Some minor damage is better than playing bumper cars with an opponent whose front wheel is taller than your entire vehicle. Getting stuck to the driver's side of a giant SUV is also officially NOT sexy.
Buying American
I've also looked into the Saturn Vue and the Ford Escape for you flag wavers, but quickly eliminated them from the queue. They weren't good enough to consider. You see Mr. and Mrs. Flag Waver -- when I was about 10, I learned that most of these foreign cars are built in the US, so the seemingly great "buy American" thing can hurt actual Americans who happen to work for Kia, Hyundai, Toyota, Honda etc.
There are LOTS of those people here in California. Hyundai and Toyota both have enormous North American operations in Southern California. Also, people forget that Ford owns Aston Martin, Jaguar, Volvo and Mazda. Buying American sounds great, but you can count me out.
The final three
Anywho...somehow I am down to three compact SUVs. Drumroll please...
1) The Hyundai Tucson (which is the exact same automobile as the Kia Sportage but without the funky side window). The dealer is closer to home and the service feedback seems to be much stronger. Same 10 yr/100,000 powertrain warranty.
2 and 3) The Toyota RAV4, both the leftover 2005's and the 2006's are in the running. I wanted a manual transmission, but the 2006 doesn't offer them. That's not a deal breaker. The 2006 is 40% larger so that means finding 10 more inches in parallel parking space length, something I think is manageable.
Test driving will occur on Monday, and I expect that will seal the deal with one of these vehicles.
Oddly, it's kind of sad to reach the final stretch in car shopping -- being a gear head thanks to genetics -- I actually enjoy embarrassing the salespeople with my knowledge of each car. Especially fun is the look of confusion on their faces when I say I not only know how to drive a manual but prefer it.
Final input
So some final input request from you my dear readers -- Carsdirect has a much lower price on all three of these cars, any good/bad/mediocre experiences purchasing through CarsDirect?
Now I'm off to sleep, no doubt I'll be dreaming with a smile on my face of possibly horrifying every Los Angeles label whore I know with a shiny new Hyundai!
Posted by Moxie at 1:06 AM | Comments (24)
