« March 2007 | Main | May 2007 »
April 29, 2007
Sundays with Moxie
Just a quick reminder, my Blog Talk Radio show starts at 3 PM Pacific/ 6 PM Eastern today. Today is Sunday for those of you who are still climbing out from under a hang-over.
Click here to listen. Or you can call in (646) 652-2695.
I've got Lewis Fein as my guest. We are going to talk about Katie Couric, women supporting women, Susan Estrich and whatever else comes up.
UPDATE: seems like sound quality was better this time. Plus we had a blast making fun of Rosie and her gaping O'Donnell. You can listen to the archive here
Posted by Moxie at 2:11 PM | Comments (5)
April 26, 2007
Sunday Blog Talk Radio with Moxie
I have a show scheduled Sunday, but I'm not sure I won't sound like Sheryl Crow after rimming a man who used only one square.
Now -- to be serious, I've used my cell phone, landline and Skype to call into Blog Talk Radio and sadly, I think this may be my last show.
I can do podcasts or make calls on Skype where I sound radio quality. But when Blog Talk Radio is involved, there is always a problem.
No one can solve the audio troubles I'm having, and it's not worth doing weekly shows wherein I sound like I have my head stuffed inside a crumpled paper bag. So I'll go back to podcasting. Listen and call in while you have the chance. This Sunday.
Posted by Moxie at 1:11 AM
April 25, 2007
Steve H. Graham is fed up
Steve's Blog Talk Radio show starts at 10 PM eastern, 7PM pacific. He has cool guests lined up like his childhood friend Mike who also cooks unhealthy food and the blogger/musician Hog Whitman! Oh and I'll be there too.
Posted by Moxie at 5:43 PM
April 24, 2007
Dr. Warren's modalities
After getting to know a few rotten eggs, I decided to avoid dating for a short while. But yesterday I received an unexpected message from someone I had corresponded with briefly 3 or 4 months ago.
He said he was done with eHarmony because he wanted to get to know me and was excited to see where it would lead.
This struck me as odd, as we hadn't talked much in total and not in such a long time.
So I googled his name and discovered the 419 scammers that my pal Steve H. Graham wrote a book about, have now infiltrated the dating sites.
I read a few tales about this exact guy. Why they are so unimaginative when it comes to creating new names, I have no idea. The background story is always the same. Divorced with a 5 year old daughter. Witch of an x-wife. At least that last part is 100% believable. I'd be a witch too if I married one of these criminals.
My hunky Nigerian love interest just sent me an instant message a moment ago, so I felt obligated to mess with him:
sir_spamalot: Hi There
ME: hi, what's up?
sir_spamalot: nothing much
sir_spamalot: You?
ME: Just reading a great book.
sir_spamalot: Oh good for you
sir_spamalot: What book?
ME: The Good, the Spam and the Ugly. It's about Nigerian spammers.
sir_spamalot: Oh kool
sir_spamalot: Written by?
ME: Steve H. Graham
ME: You should read it, it's hilarious
Needless to say, he signed off. Hopefully I haven't put Steve in any sort of danger. It would be great though if these guys all rushed out to buy his book.
Posted by Moxie at 2:43 PM | Comments (11)
The crow’s nest
It’s crusty.
No wonder Karl Rove didn’t want Sheryl Crow touching him.
These toilet paper saviors are the same folks who think showering is waste of water. So, I must ask -- where is the hygiene, people? If you want to save the earth, PLEASE shower and wipe well. Disease prevention helps your goddess Gaia too, you know.
Regarding toilet paper, I felt the need to send a memo to the Moxtopia Compound staff.
Right-leaning political orientation is not a condition of employment, unfortunately. But in the past few years, not even one of my framed portraits of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney or Condoleezza Rice has been defaced. That said, best to be sure.
FROM: Moxie
TO: All Staff at the Moxtopia Compound
RE: Toilet Paper
I understand a respected liberal politician, who parades around as a shoddy musician has suggested we save the world by using one square of toilet paper per visit to the loo. Alternatively, she suggests we use our sleeve.
For the record I would like to state, any staff member who fails to use fewer than 20 squares of toilet paper after peeing will be fired without severance. That means at least 40 for a deuce. Toilet paper use will be enforced. My gay houseboy will be counting before and after. Every time.
Wet wipes are also provided for your convenience in each of the 30 bathrooms in the compound. Not using those (in addition to toilet paper) is cause for immediate termination.
Also, I would like to state “wasting water” by cleaning ones body is required, if you should want to remain employed by this Vast Right Wing Conspiracy employer. I strongly suggest you feel adventurous and also use soap. Sheryl Crow may want to have some fun with 1 square, but we have work to do and e. coli poisoning doesn’t factor into the big picture.
Now that we are clear on that topic, I would like to point out -- shaking the hand of someone who is a member of the “One Square Lib Zoo Crew” may be hazardous to your health.
While we like to maintain OSHA standards at the compound, this unclean interaction is never required. You can refuse a handshake and cite the "dirty liberal" code. We do try to avoid this -- but even with the best of efforts in denying entry to those people -- the liberal screening process is not yet 100% accurate.
This is exactly the reason we offer health benefits with your employment. Don’t panic if you touched an unclean lefty -- there is a hospital quality hand sanitization station located just to the right of the foyer in the main entrance to the compound.
If in the past, any of you who had doubts about how to vote, this should be the beacon you were looking for.
On the right, we have a party of ideas, limited government, low taxes, security and cleanliness. On the left? One square of toilet paper and cowardice.
Anyone who has ever called me a polemicist for describing the left as "the vast unwashed" now has one more fact to check. Eat Crow, Sheryl.
Thank you,
The Management.
Posted by Moxie at 1:03 AM | Comments (13)
April 22, 2007
Sundays with Moxie
I'll be broadcasting live from the Moxtopia compound this afternoon on BlogTalkRadio. Show starts at 2 PM Pacific, 5 PM Eastern.
I have two scheduled guests -- Steve H. Graham author of "The Good, the Spam and the Ugly" and Lewis Fein, who is most famous for his irreverent posts on Cathy's World.
We're going to debate gourmet pizza vs. street pizza, probably talk about Earth Day, and something else to be determined by me in the next hour.
Click here to listen at 2 PM Pacific/5 PM Eastern....and call in if you like: (646) 652-2695
Posted by Moxie at 12:48 PM | Comments (2)
It's earth day!!
But for Al Gore, it's "Girth Day" (thx to Aaron, for the image!)
Oh boy, it’s earth day again. Already? I thought every day was earth day, then again I live in the mecca for stinky libshits and Hollywood celebrities with their bleeding hearts. I don’t think their hearts really bleed, but they would if they didn’t have a cause du jour to mention and blame on Bush.
Here at the Moxtopia compound, we always celebrate earth day and I know a lot of people like to read about how we do things around here.
PREPARATION:
- As every good conservative knows, Earth Day begins at sundown the day before. But because I have so much to do (capitalism takes work, liberals), four days ago my gay houseboy turned on every incandescent light bulb in the house. Anyone that turns them off before the bulbs burn out gets one less Halliburton stock certificate in their Christmas stocking.
- Also, put brand new batteries in my Dick Cheney “Shock and awe” vibrator. Threw the old ones in the street even though they’re still good.
- Bought a few pairs of expensive shoes constructed solely out of baby seal pelts. It’s difficult to find shoes to fit my carbon footprint. I’m a size 6 ½ in case you want to buy me shoes.
- Lastly, we released a flock of endangered birds (California Condor) at the wind farm to usher in a beautiful Earth Day.
ACTIVITIES:
- Assembled a drum circle, rubbed crude oil on my body and danced naked in front of the oil rig on my south lawn. Instructed my shirtless lawn boys pay respect to Mother Gaia by peeing in her bush.
- Hugged a tree and then kicked it, HARD. Afterwards crushed its nuts. With a vise.
- Flushed the toilet a few dozen times just for fun to entertain the cats (and hopefully teach them a thing or two).
- Put on a sweater. It's cold in Los Angeles! Prayed for more global warming.
- Played a mole and went to an Earth Day gathering and determined hippies do have penises. But only the women. Burned five thousand copies of “An Inconvenient Truth” – told the hippies it was Bill O’Reilly on DVD. Got them high on toxic VRWC fumes.
- Printed out every email I’ve received since 1999 (even the spam). Didn’t like the print quality so I had my LBP toss the first printing in the recycle bin and tried again. Just kidding. We have no recycle bin at the Moxtopia compound. Just one bin for trash.
MENU:
- Found a way to use petroleum in everyday cooking.
- Two words. Polar Bear. It’s hot. The new Paris Hilton, but meatier.
- Had my gay houseboy make a savory polar bear stew (paws and haunches) with crude oil consommé. The polar bear meat was so tender, it was falling off the bone and claws.
- Polar Bears are slipping off melting icebergs at such a shocking rate – finding affordable flash-frozen polar bear meat is no longer something only rich Republicans can enjoy.
- If you make this for yourself, do NOT buy boneless polar bear meat. The bone marrow adds so much to the gravy. Recipe forthcoming.
OFFSETS:
- Offsets are an important part of every Earth Day.
- The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy was selling “Liberal Offsets” so I bought a few hundred dollars worth. If anyone needs soap, a razor, Nair, or a clue -- this is the place, baby.
- I also decided to offset my south lawn refinery. So I purchased equipment to build the north lawn refinery. It will be much more balanced now.
Everyone can celebrate Earth Day, even if you haven’t planned. Just hug your local dry cleaner. Or drive aimlessly in your Hummer for a few hours. But don't forget to honk your horn at the wimpy tards driving a Prius so they can give you attitude about noise pollution.
Feel free to tell me how you celebrated the day in comments below.
Past year's celebrations documented here and here.
Posted by Moxie at 12:48 AM | Comments (18)
April 20, 2007
before I forget...
Just some quick notes from a soggy and cold Los Angeles:
- I'll be doing my Blog Talk Radio show on Sunday. 1PM on the left coast which is 4PM on the right coast. Lewis Fein and Steve H. will be my guests. More on topics later, but I'm pretty sure we'll be talking about pizza and maybe my life-size Dick Cheney doll.
- Speaking of which, I'm having sound quality issues on BTR. I have a nice headset and dial in through Skype, just as Steve does. Steve sounds clear and I sound like I'm talking through a paper bag. Does anyone have any ideas on what could be causing this? The sound quality is superior to a land line when I use Skype to call people, (even regular phones), so it makes this all more baffling.
- Don't forget to sign up for my mailing list here if you haven't already.
- Sunday is Earth Day, so don't forget to check in and read my annual post on how we celebrate it here at the Moxtopia compound.
Posted by Moxie at 10:57 AM | Comments (1)
April 10, 2007
Blogtalk Radio
Steve and I are going to chat tonight 9 PM Eastern, 6 PM Pacific.
I hope we will make fun of Raj -- a girl can dream.
Click here to listen at the appropriate time.
Call here to join us in banter: (718) 664-6948
UPDATE:
Show is archived, if this link is right, listen here.
Posted by Moxie at 4:07 PM | Comments (2)
Dear Uncle Aubrey
Hi! It's me Moxie. How are you dear Uncle Aubrey? I guess your pockets feel about 7 million dollars lighter, but don't frown!!! Raj's mortgage is covered (living where he does takes a lot of cash) and Rerun no longer needs to ride his bike to work.
Here is a pretty picture from your illegitimate Nephew Aaron:
In your last letter you asked about Raj. Well..your other illegitimate nephew Dennis the Peasant has skewered Roger L. Simon's backside so thoroughly, I'm not sure it's worth adding to his embarrassment. Oh wait! there is always more room on Pammycake's bosom, Atlas Juggs has been writhing out of her wet PJ Media bikini (on a vlog-ilicious extravaganza) so she can start to make actual money. For now, I'll let you slip and slide on why she wasn't making gravy out of your 7 million, but let's just say she's a SUPAHSTAH, baybee! Mammary GRAVITAS.
Where's all that cash going bub?
I'm glad your plan has worked out so well...for instance.....all the nationally syndicated Pajamas Media columns in newspapers.....new Pajamas Media book deals...pajoompa loompas on teevee. Pajoompas renting netflix thanks to your dime. Oh wait...I can't find any links to those things. Maybe you can email me with those, a google search leaves me empty handed when I type in Pajamas Media Success.
When someone invests money in a scam...well you get what you pay for. Not that Pajamas Media is a scam...oh no! Just put the Barcelona Bureau on it, I'm sure they can provide some citizen journalism to support the cause.
Anyway, Uncle Aubrey -- I just wanted to write you to tell you all the neat things I've been doing, without sucking your rich man-teat, but I fear this letter is getting too long. So...until next time.
Love your (almost) niece,
Moxie
PS: I see Raj is going to speak about the power of weblogs. It's ironic at first, but after thinking it through, I applaud the panel in selecting the proper speaker to address "what not to do with 7 million dollars".
Posted by Moxie at 3:33 AM | Comments (7)
April 9, 2007
I am Sean - pas de deux
Life has been so disappointing lately. Some details you can accurately ascertain and others you can imagine, if you are a mind reader.
One thing that never disappoints is the behavior of Hollywood hero, "I am Sean". Of the Penn variety.
Mark Ebner has a great piece up about the latest Hollywood hypocrisy from the poor man's Bono. And if you've been reading me for a long time, you know I have also enjoyed picking on the Rear Admiral Sean Penn and his little red cups and douchebaggery.
Posted by Moxie at 10:13 PM | Comments (3)
April 5, 2007
waking up with Mox
Apologies, I know this is an Instapundit quality photo (but far less blurry). You have to understand, I woke up at the crack of ass's dawn and I reached and stretched until I could grab the cell phone to snap this 3 kitty pile-up on my leg.
In my last post, a commenter implied that the unclean black cat was lucky to be sleeping in my bed. And while this is true (as my bed is more comfortable than anyone on earth deserves), I think it's clear I am the lucky one to wake up to such great companions. Added bonus, they are morning kitties. Always happy and excited to start the day -- which includes napping, batting around plastic mice, eating and crapping.
Since I'm cat blogging -- and in light of the pet food recall -- I just ran out of wet food for the critters. They still have kibble, or as we call it in the Moxtopia compound "dry crunchies". So in lieu of wet food I cooked some ground turkey and egg when they came begging last night, Bentley my 14 year-old loved it. He's the blue eyed monster in the photo, for the uninitiated.
I've looked around for home cooked cat food recipes....I love these beasts, but I'm lazy and have time constraints. Anyone have suggestions to tide us over until the recall thing is well in the past? Tuna and baby food only goes so far...
Posted by Moxie at 12:20 AM | Comments (21)
April 4, 2007
he sleeps in my bed every night
Might be a fine time to reconsider.
Posted by Moxie at 3:10 PM | Comments (6)
April 2, 2007
moxie mailing list
If you'd like to subscribe, go here.
Steve H. made me create one, so I did. But you don't need to worry about daily emails. I'll probably use this once in a while to send off-blog content and stories or give updates on the books I am working on.
That's all.
Posted by Moxie at 4:18 PM | Comments (1)
